Monday, December 7, 2015

Why We Don't Tell our Kids That St. Nicholas is Santa Claus (or vice versa)


A few weeks before Christmas last year I started writing your run-of-the-mill "Why We Don't "Do" Santa" post.  I never finished it.  I kept poking at it and changing it and rewriting it.  Finally it got to the point where I had to stop because I was burning through the precious time I had left to crochet hats and pot holders and slippers for Christmas gifts.  (I mean, it just wouldn't be Christmas without a garish array of mediocre yarn creations by Theresa, would it??)


I started playing around with that post again this year, but even as I was writing and rewriting it, something new occurred to me. Not only do we not "celebrate" Santa, we don't even equate him with St. Nicholas.  


Plenty of people argue that Santa Claus is a harmless modernization of St. Nicholas.  And I've heard the people who preach that we need to redeem the modern-day, commercialized Santa Claus and return him to his Christian roots in Nicholas. But in my home and for my family, I don't want St. Nicholas to be Santa Claus. For secular me, Santa is a waste of energy and misdirected holiday enthusiasm. For Catholic me, I'm pretty into St. Nicholas, and I'm uncomfortable distorting Nicholas so that he can be Santa Claus.  


I don't buy it when people say I can "believe in" Santa Claus because he's really Saint Nicholas.  (I think this is a superb post on it, even though I happen to disagree :) ) I understand that's where the tradition first began, but that's not what Santa Claus is now.   And we live now. 

When the kindly folk in the grocery store ask my children in a sticky sweet voice, "Is Santa coming to your house this year?" they mean this...
They don't mean, "Are you going to honor the fourth century Greek bishop, patron of children and sailors, by hanging your stocking 19 days after his feast day in the hopes over discovering a gift there in the morning?"  




To the grocery store inquiries, I usually offer my own sticky sweet smile (it's really just bits of candy cane stuck in my teeth) and reply, "We celebrated St. Nicholas’ Day earlier this month (the kids leave out their shoes and know that mom and dad leave treats and gifts there in honor of St. Nicholas)  and now we're busy preparing the gifts we'll give to others on Christmas."  And then hopefully my kids launch into a litany of the projects they're working on and the topic of conversation has been totally turned, because most strangers can't wrap their heads around the way we keep Christmas.


My kids don't "believe in" Santa Claus.  Santa Claus plays no role in our Christmas (except in making an appearance in the tune "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," which I love.)  Santa does not come to our house.  Santa does not leave gifts.  Santa is not happily married in the North Pole, nor does he have a workshop there.  We tell our children that Santa Claus does not exist.  (It's ok if you think I'm ruining my kids.  I don't.)   

And Santa is not St. Nicholas.


I believe the person of St. Nicholas would be lost if my husband and I embellished the traditions and legends surrounding that saint into lies we'd tell our children about Santa Claus.  This is not how we honor saints.  It is inconsistent with all the things we ("we" means "husband and I" :) ) teach our children about venerating and honoring the Saints.  Catholics are not required to hold any particular devotion to the Saints, but if we choose to, we meditate on their lives of Faith, strive to imitate their holy example,  and appreciate the goodness and glory of God in His work through them.  We teach our children about the virtuous lives of the Saints, the miracles attributed to them, and the power of their intercession for particular needs.  Many saints, especially those from the early Church, are surrounded by a cloud of legends.  We happily teach our children about these legends, how they may have developed, why they are significant, and how such stories can still bring glory to God even though the truth of the matter is not always clearly defined.  But we don't invent miracles or attribute magical happenings to saints and claim that they are still taking place to this day outside of the approval of the Church.   That is a mis-representation of the Faith and of the honored position of Saints in the Church, and is an affront to the traditions of the Catholicism.


I actually think that it would be better to believe in Santa Claus as a secular bringer of gifts, completely detached from the name, concept, and reality of St. Nicholas, than to tell our children in all sincerity that the 4th century bishop is also a present-day toy maker plying his trade in the frigid north.


It misrepresents the real Nicholas.  The little that is known of him is rich and uplifting.  He deserves, as all Saints, to be honored for who he was - not for what I pretend, or speculate, him to be.   


To attribute gifts and magic to a beloved saint (and to encourage my kids to believe it) would probably also not be a great witness to our non-Catholic friends who may already be scrutinizing our often misunderstood veneration of the saints and our appreciation of our Faith traditions and legends.  And, in my opinion, it just does not give glory to God or credit to the Catholic Faith to fabricate fanciful tales about canonized Saints. But upholding their actual lives and deeds are awesome for our good and God's glory. ("Veneration given to saints is giving glory to God in them and through them; their graces are God's gift to them, and their example is our hope." I found that in Butler's Lives of the Saints, so it must be so ;) )  

So, our children are very familiar with the legends of St. Nicholas that make him a patron of children (you know, like restoring the pickled boys to life) and a generous giver of secret gifts (the old coins-for-the-girls-in-the-stockings story). Our kiddos know that my husband and I give them gifts in honor of Nicholas on his feast day. We certainly invoke his intercession, and while we heartily believe that miraculous events could absolutely occur as a direct result of the intercession of St. Nicholas, we have never told our children that gifts under the tree are those miraculous doings.


There is no other saint that we honor by changing his or her name, insisting that the legends and traditions surrounding him or her are actually going to happen again on a specific night, and celebrate him or her on a day that is not actually their Church-appointed feast day.  It's so absurd that it's hard to even make a decent comparison, so here's a weak one...  St. Patrick is a respected Catholic saint throughout the world.  He's even in good standing among non-Catholics.   He's so much fun we're going to call him Naomh Pádraig (Blessed Patrick) and we're going to say that 19 days after his March 17 feast day, on April 5, he's going to drive all of the snakes out of our backyard (because he did that once in Ireland, and now he's going to do it again.  here.  on April 5.)  It's going to be magical!  And I'm really going to be the one that moves the snakes (or worms, as the case may be in urban Western New York) , but I'm going to convince my children that Naomh did it.   And when my children find out in their tween years that he doesn't really come and rid our neighborhood of snakes each year, they will not mind in the least that I perpetuated this fanciful story to them and they will still be interested in learning everything they can about the real Patrick and they will be drawn into a personal devotion to the real Saint, until they have their own snake-fearing children and realize it's time to resurrect Naomh Padraig.  


See?  It's kind of weird.  It's not really honoring St. Patrick at all.  Calling the modern-day Santa Claus a way to honor St. Nicholas makes about as much sense to me.  My family and I choose to honor St. Nicholas on his feast day with prayer, reading about his life, feasting, and gifts.   My husband and I have not attempted to honor him by telling our kids that he's actually going to show up again, tiptoeing around on our roof a few weeks later.   Nor do we honor any other saint by convincing our kids that he or she is coming to do X, Y, or Z on any given day. So if we were going to insist that Nicholas was going to do the whole roof bit on December 24, we're not really prepared to explain to them why it's just St. Nicholas and why Saints Ursula, Felix, Kunegunda, and Joan of Arc have forsaken our rooftop.


Who knows.  Maybe all of them are up in Heaven now, looking down on poor, misguided me, laughing and shaking their heads at silly little Theresa.  We’ve been on her roof several times and she still doesn't get it! And she's so, so wrong about all of it anyway! Maybe they’ll question me when we finally meet (and Oh!! I hope we do!) as to why I was so Scroogy and unimaginative with making Christmas magic.  Won’t the joke be on me, then!  I’m sure I won’t have any answer than, I love St. Nicholas, and I’m full of the Christmas spirit, but I just never found it necessary to spin tales about the one to enhance the other for myself or for my children.


*    *    *    *    *    *

My opinions are strong, but they're just that - opinions.  They're important only insofar as they're how I approach holiday traditions and Christmas with my family.  I know a lot of parents (most of them way better at parenting than me) that love celebrating Santa and St. Nicholas, or Santa as St. Nicholas.  Do you believe me when I say, that's ok because it actually has nothing to do with my family?  It's true.  So if you have some different thoughts or opinions or ways you do things with your family, I'm cool with that too, and I'd love for you to chat about them here.  (Except I should clarify, that by "cool" I mean "I can accept our differences"  and you really shouldn't interpret "cool" in the "impressive, hip, or sophisticated" sense.  No one has ever accused me of the second definition ;) )  

17 comments:

  1. I think for us it's not that I'm actively telling my son Santa is St. Nicholas. But when he gets older (and for me I see no reason my children should believe in Santa past about 7 years old honestly - I never realized people "believed in Santa Claus" into their tweens or that families gave all gifts under his name until I was an adult!!! I figure by the time my kid is receiving communion he's old enough to be told "the truth" about make believe) we can tell him that yep, "Santa Claus" - the bringer of stocking treats on Christmas is pretend, but that it's a pretend inspired by a real person who already honor as part of our Liturgical Year. And at that point we can either continue the tradition of secretly filling each others stockings and shoes, but he'll then be a part of it some how, or it will be time to move into a new family tradition.

    I think this works for us because "Santa" is a small part of our traditions - we don't over emphasize him, Santa doesn't bring anything you want (just this year my son said he would ask Santa for a toy we can't give him and we told him as much, that it's not going to happen and how we'll be happy with what we get on Christmas), "he" fills a stocking with a few goodies, gifts are given by family members (the real gifts come from us and my kid knows this - the gifts get set out before Christmas so they don't magically appear) and the gifts are given out of love for Jesus (our Santa moves our Nativity in front of the stockings so there's a physical reminder). So for us Santa is a game, a game I play with my kids until it's time for them to understand all the rules of the game and become part of it as a whole.

    I think I understand where you're coming from - it's why I refuse to do "elf on a shelf". It makes not liturgical or imaginative sense to me. To me the Elf is completely consumerist and has no redeeming features the way I think Santa is to you - so potato/potahto. We have similar lines, they just encompass different traditions

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    1. Thanks so much for your perspective, Molly!
      I agree about the elf, and I feel like the game would totally burn me out!!

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  2. Great post - I just wish you had written it a few years ago, when I was discerning how to handle all this stuff with my kids!

    I pretty much share all your sentiments about not equating St. Nick with Santa, because I don't want to detract from who St. Nicholas is, and why we venerate him. We do put our shoes out on the eve of his feast day - I've never actually said that he is the one leaving treats for the kids, but have said "if you leave your shoes out, you might get a special treat", and of course they assume it's from St. Nicholas himself, and not us. I like that you tell them the whole truth, and explain that it's done as a way to honor the Saint's charitable spirit.

    And I was afraid to tell my kids outright that Santa wasn't real, and deal with all those awkward moments with family members or strangers in the grocery store. I settled on a "neither confirm nor deny" approach....I knew the kids would notice all the references to Santa around them, and I resolved to answer most questions about him with something cryptic like, "Oh, I don't know...what do you think?" It seemed to be going alright, and Santa was sort of just a vague figure in the background, with Christ's birth being the first thing they'd answer when asked what happened on Christmas. But this year, my oldest is five. I've noticed that Santa has become so much larger in his imagination, and he's definitely more focused on the gift-receiving aspect of Christmas. He even told me the other day that he "hates the Nativity story", which just made me so sad and upset.

    If I could go back in time, I'm still not sure how I would handle it. But I feel like we went wrong somewhere, and I'm just not certain how to fix it all without crushing him (my oldest son) or taking away the magic :-/

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    1. Hi! Don't feel alone in your 5-yrs old santa angst. Did your oldest go to Kindergarten this year? We were fine in our Christmas bubble, santa was a non-issue, until my oldest went to K, which was so over-the-top hype for santa. (of course without any Christianity to balance it out). It was really tough to focus her on the nativity, even considering that our family doesn't "do santa". She was doing santa crafts and singing santa songs every day in school, from Thanksgiving to Christmas! So I feel for you for sure! She got through it, and while she may have felt like she missed out on a little "magic", she has said looking back she was glad she could always trust us for the truth. And let's be real - waking up to presents wrapped under the tree will always be "magic", no matter who puts them there. :)

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    2. Thanks, Christine! I'm so sorry that it's a tricky subject for you and your son this year :( I know when I was a kid I was always SO excited about getting gifts, but knew I couldn't let it show too much b/c that wasn't the important part, but that is so hard for kids!
      I hope that you find a way to celebrate Christmas without upsetting him. <3

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  3. When it comes up, I have explained that "Santa Claus" is the translation for St. Nicholas. But we don't talk about him coming on Christmas. We do have him "come to our house" on his feast day, but the gifts on Christmas come from us and grandparents. I like your response to strangers ... I haven't come up with a way to respond charitably yet. ;) Well-meaning strangers end up confusing our kids whenever we go to the grocery store, heh!

    Our oldest is still just 3, so I feel like we have another year or two to tweak our approach. :)

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    1. Isn't it kind of awesome and funny and awkward at the same time when our kids have a different take on things (not the cultural norm) and they get so confused when people ask them about it. For some reason, it's always the grocery store where these things happen!

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  4. This was excellent!! I feel like "Whew!" because I don't know much about St. Nicholas (other than the veggie tales special) or saints in general, being protestant. However, I've always told them the commercial current idea of Santa Claus comes from St. Nicholas, but that they are very different in several ways (the ones in which you pointed out). We simply cannot get behind willful deception of any kind, especially on Christmas.

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  5. Ahhhh the grocery store comments!! So tough!! One lady once argued with my children about whether Santa is real! Scolded them for their disbelief! Really lady? Do you see my evangelical self asking random kids if they believe in Jesus and then scolding them for their atheism? But kiddos if you don't believe in Jesus, there'll be no frankincense under your tree Christmas morning!!

    By and large, if someone asks them if they're ready for Santa, and actually gives them time to give an answer and explain themselves, and they say, "No, we're ready to celebrate Jesus' birthday though!" the response is great. Especially from elderly ladies. :)

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    1. LOVE your kids response! I think mine mostly look like deer in the headlights when someone asks them about Santa! With the way the world is now it seems like it might be more and more un-politically correct to chat about Santa and Jesus in the grocery store. Awesome that your girls are willing to do it!
      Thanks for your comments, Liz!

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  6. I appreciate you bringing up the point that Nicholas IS actually a real person and we tread on sacred ground to be doing things in someone's name like that. I think often around St. Patrick's day about the awful things and behaviors and sin promoted in the name of this saint. (I know, total killjoy, right?!?) If I hopefully make it to heaven I think it would be weird if people started doing things in my name that were totally not things I'm cool with. I don't think most innocent Christmas/Santa traditions fall into that camp, necessarily, (except maybe Santa Baby *shudder*) but I think you bring up good points that it is definitely worth thinking about and perhaps we *don't* need to 'spice' up his life with our own inventions.

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    1. Thanks for your thoughts, Mary!
      Agreed. I hope folks like us still have a merry time in Heaven and don't get a lot of sour looks from the saints for assuming what they do and don't do!! :)

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  7. Well-said, Theresa. :) I try hard to focus on the real St. Nicholas, building up the tradition of giving in secret and being kind to others after his example, meanwhile portraying Santa as a fictional character. I have a lot of work to do on this, since I heard from my 6yr old in the last few days that he thinks Santa is real because he's at Bass Pro... So, we have work to do still!

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    1. I need to get my kids more on board with the secret giving for the joy of it and w/o expecting anything (including recognition!) in return. We could use a boost in this area!

      And yes, I did hear that Bass Pro won the lottery for getting the real guy this year!! ;)

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  8. I really enjoyed this post!! This is basically how much think about the whole thing too. I wince every time someone asks our kids, " so what do you want Santa to bring this Christmas?!" Like nails on a chalkboard. And our kids kind of just stare at them in a confused way.... Awkward. So, I agree- why complicate an already wonderfully festive celebration? However, on the other hand, I think my *strong* opinions are for my family - I am pretty neutral about the whole thing when I hear about how others do things.

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    1. Thanks, Janelle! When someone asks my kids what they want for Christmas, I usually try to say something like "we don't know what we'll be getting from our friends and family, but we sure are having fun planning surprises for them." What I say is the truth, but it always sounds SO CORNY coming out my mouth! But what else can you do??
      Thanks for your comments!

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  9. Aww, I like/disagree with your post too. :D

    I think we should incorporate heretic-punching into St. Nicholas Day celebrations.

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