If Practice Makes Perfect, I Might be a C-Section Expert

So, you probably know I've got five kids, right? 

Did you know I've had five c-sections??  

Maybe you didn't.  It's not in my blog bio, I've never written a "birth story," and I don't have a big ol' "I Survived Three + C-Sections" bumper sticker on the mini van.  I've dialogued with myself quite a bit as to why I haven't written about it much and I'm pretty sure the answer is that I'm afraid of being criticized and plugged into a statistic.  Even though I have made my peace with my c-sections, I still feel vulnerable when they're out in the open for conversation, or debate, or criticism...  

"Women's bodies are designed to give birth, not be cut open."  "Have you heard that most c-sections are unnecessary?"  "Most c-sections are selfish on the part of the mother."  "Did you know that moms and babies are __% more likely to experience complications or death with each successive c-section?"  

Yep, I have heard all of these.  But most of them not until after having my third child (and third c-section) and most of the decisions I made before that were in ignorance.  Maybe that's what's hard to admit and what I don't want to write about...    

Anyway, the fact is that I have had five c-sections and it is what it is.  It does no good for me to regret, and wonder, and what if, and woulda, coulda, shoulda, because my bed has been made (and it's a five-day-stay hospital bed, hehe...)  I have had five utterly un-complicated pregnancies.  I have five gorgeous children; and what gifts they are! They are no less precious to me, or to God, or to anyone for that matter, because they entered the world in a sterile, well-lit surgery, as opposed to any of a dozen other scenarios.  I'm grateful for the surgeries that gave them to me.  

(Aaron, 2006)

My first c-section was not scheduled, but was the only option presented to me after many, many hours of useless labor due to a failed induction.  My other four c-sections were elective and scheduled because I was told by my first doctor that I'd not likely be able to have a natural delivery for one reason or another.  I didn't look into it too closely, and by the time I realized that my first doctor might not have been entirely honest with me, it was too late.  

(Dominic, 2007)

So I probably made some decisions without doing my homework, and I'd certainly never want any other woman to do this same, but I'm not in a position to regret what I've done.  They're in the past and cannot be changed.  And I can say with my hand over the Bible all legal-style, that I have never chosen a c-section out of selfish motivation (like getting too big, or getting too "loose," or getting too tired to being pregnant.)  I've never chosen a c-section because it was the "easy way out;" whichever way you give birth your body is going to feel like you were hit by a bus and tossed hundred yards.  No birth is easy.

(Ruth, 2010)

But I sure am grateful for modern medicine and for my Catholic, pro-life doctor that evaluates women's bodies individually and doesn't automatically say three sections is the limit like most doctors nation-wide.  

And I'm grateful for this body that God has given me - because, if I do say so myself, this body rocks at c-sections :)  

I've joked with friends before that if c-sections needed a poster child, it would be me.   I mean, I have had a lot of practice, and I *might* go so far as to say, I'm good at it.  Or at least my body is.  My sections have always gone smoothly.  I've been totally awake, alert, and participatory.  My babies have been healthy.  Nursing has always gone well.  And my recovery. is. awesome.  

(Clare, 2012)

Never in a million years do I want you to think that I am recommending cesarean births over vaginal deliveries.  I am not.  But I can certainly speak honestly about my own experience with c-section deliveries, which I am grateful to say have been nothing less than amazing.  

Cesarean births are obviously not without their trials, though.  And they're certainly not all physical.  It's a monumental act of surrender to to be essentially not in control of what's happening to you.  During each surgery I've had the choice to bemoan my circumstances or to prayerfully transform them into an exercise in virtue.  I've often prayed during my c-sections reflecting on the fiat of Mary for strength.  I've said "yes" to bringing a new life into the world, and then must surrender myself and my baby entirely into the care of another.  I give myself entirely over to the medical professionals around me and trust that they have my well being at heart.  Total trust.  Total surrender.  Totally offering myself and my little one up to the care of another.  Sort of sounds like how I'm supposed to be with God every day, huh?  I surrender myself entirely - hand my very life over in complete faith - and though I've been poked, and prodded, wounded, and humbled, the result is overwhelming - a result maybe even greater than I could have accomplished on my own - the result of surrender and trust is new life.  

One of the biggest sacrifices a c-section mom may have to make is not holding her baby immediately after birth (though now it's becoming more common!  Yay!)  It's heart wrenching to hear your baby cry but not have held her yet.   It's so bittersweet to have your baby brought over to caress your cheek on the surgery table, but you're not able to reach out and draw him near.  I could waste my energies and emotions on how it's not fair and how much it hurts, or I can choose to embrace it as another of the sacrifices I offer in my circumstances.  I offer it up in union with all that Mary suffered when she could not hold her Son when she must have so desperately wanted.  And I offer it up for the little one I'm waiting to cuddle - her health, her sanctity, her everything.

(James, 2014)

I've experienced it all - the anticipation, worry, surrender, trust, intentional paralysis of the majority of my body with potentially life-altering consequences, not the least of which is -- I get a baby at the end of it!  I've done it five times, but I joke about being an expert, of course.  We're never experts when it comes to life and love!  Neither usually go as planned, do they?  Plus, it's a little prideful and quite frankly, ridiculous, to boast about being an expert at something that happens when you're 75 percent numb and immobile ;)  

I may not have achieved Expert Status yet, but I did want to write something that would encourage and maybe even help other c-section moms.  You've got this, mama!  You may be sacrificing your body for your baby in a way that's different from other birthing moms, but in one that's no less efficacious or rewarding <3