Why My Big Kids Still Have Afternoon Rest Time

Every afternoon of every day this family has rest time.  The baby, the toddler, the "bigger kids," and the mom.  It has always been this way, and I suspect it always will be.  It's my intention that there will always be a family-wide afternoon rest time. (Though I admit,  I can't really speak to the future.)

Afternoon rest time here is not optional.  You don't grow out of it.  You don't get out of it. (Except maybe on Christmas.  Maybe.)  

Rest time for the "littles" is a no-brainer - babies need sleep.  Kids in this family take two naps a day for as long as I can possibly finagle it ('till somewhere between 12 - 18 mos.) and one afternoon nap until they need to drop it (typically around 5 years old).  When a child begins to eschew afternoon sleep, not much changes.  He (or she! because we do not discriminate and no one is exempt...) quiets down in a room with a closed door, is not permitted to come out for any reason (other than toilet use or an episode of low blood sugar), and must stay there quietly until the kitchen timer goes off.  (The kitchen timer is regularly set to 99:99 minutes because that's the highest it can go :)  )

Several people have asked me why my "bigger" kids still have a daily rest time.  I humbly submit my reasons...

(1)

Because Sanity.

I need to know that every day there will be at least an hour and a half that I will have to myself.  This is essential for me to be the best mom that I can be during every other part of the day.  I am a bona fide introvert, and if I don't have alone time to recharge, I will be as useful as Stanley Tucci's  Patrick Stewart's  Bruce Willis' Samuel L. Jackson's hairbrush.

I typically start my afternoon quiet time with a Seven Minute Cleanup, and divide the rest of the time between some combination of the following: "business" (phone calls, emails, etc...), prayer, blog writing and reading, book reading, crocheting, sipping (instead of guzzling) coffee, and all the other things that re-energize me for the rest of the day... or at least until 6 pm when my mind typically turns to this...

(2)

Because It's Important to Learn How To Rest

We think it's important to spend time in relative peace and quiet every day.  But it's  fairly counter-cultural.   "Siesta" is not a concept generally embraced by Americans.  Kids, like adults, have increasingly busy schedules: busy school day, after-school activities, athletics in the evenings, music lessons, and club meetings to attend.  And weekends, during which we're theoretically supposed to take a break from it all, fill up with more enrichment programs and scheduled events.  

Kids can spend so much of the day go-go-going.  Who will encourage them to slow down?  Who will teach them to rest?

We obviously encourage activity in learning, exercise, and recreation.  It's good for them.   But there is intrinsic value in restfulness as well.  We live in a culture of going and doing.  Without an imposed quiet time at home, there may be very few moments in a day when a child is afforded the pleasure of being awake but not busy.  Teach him early the art of resting and he will have a valuable personal skill that will benefit him the rest of his life (or at least a couple hours every day :) )   

(3)

Because Restfulness Can Be Fruitful

Rest time helps kids appreciate the fact that even though there is no jam-packed schedule or super-fun agenda, this time is still valuable.   Often when we "take it down a notch" with our bodies, our minds have the chance to settle, and then to wander and to ponder.  Quiet rest time allows kids to leave behind the frenzied activity that is "being a kid," and offers them opportunity without distraction - the opportunity to be reflective, thoughtful, contemplative.  Or to at least deeply consider the next crazy activity they'll get into as soon as rest time is over :)

(4)

Because There is Value in Being Alone

It's ok to be alone.  It's even ok to be bored.

It's time for yourself.  Make the most of it.

Rest time is best done alone.  These days, though, our "big" boys have their rest time together because there aren't enough rooms in our house for everyone to have their own space.  It's really not the best scenario though.  Some of my children have occasionally asked me for "alone time."  Rest time is one way I can help meet this individual emotional need in a 7 person/3 bedroom home.  I just have to get creative and we play "musical rooms."

There are some rules for rest time, the big ones being Stay Put and Stay Quiet.  But other than that, the kids know that there are no expectations placed on them during that time.  They do not have to do lessons.  They will not be called on to do chores.  I will not interrupt their time.  However, I will not be readily available to them either (barring illness or emergency.)  I will not entertain them, and I will not answer questions like, "how do you spell hippopotamus?" and I will not dignify, "I'm bored" with a response.

The time is theirs.  They may choose to do nothing.  Typically, though, they find quiet things to do like, Legos, drawing, crafts (that under no circumstances involve glitter), and puzzles.  Often, Creativity wins when the kids are alone and Mom reinforces the fact that she's not the cruise director.

Dominic doing a rest time puzzle (taken about 1 year ago)

(5)

Because It's Just What We Do in Our Family

Since afternoon rest time is a non-negotiable activity for everyone in the household, there is rarely any resistance or whining or crying or negotiating at rest time.  The younger ones, who are expected to sleep in the afternoon aren't jealous of older siblings who get to stay up, because... they don't.   Everyone does rest time.   Your age and the level of trust you've earned from Mom and Dad may affect what you get to do during that time, but no one is exempt, and that makes it easy to enforce.  Everyone's doing it.  There's no need to look longingly at the others as you're toted off to bed.  They're all headed there soon too.

(6)

Because Audio Books

Afternoon rest time means listening to something.  Sometimes it's music, but it's usually audio books.  We are unashamed book readers listeners.  (And now with the iPads, woah!  There's no stopping us!)  There's an awful lot I'd love for my kids to be exposed to, but I can't do it all; there are dinners to make, and babies to nurse, and mittens to crochet!  Even if I could read to them for an hour and half every day, they wouldn't sit and listen for an hour and half; there are bike obstacle courses to be built, and science experiments to try, and scooters to scoot.  But, if it's quiet time and they have to stay put anyway, they'll listen to almost anything.  Score!  

* here's my updated list of our favorite things to listen to at rest time or in the car or anywhere *

Aaron listening to "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" (I think) during rest time.
(taken about 1 year ago)

(7)

Because It's Fuel for the Afternoon

Typically by lunch time, we've all had a good dose of each other.  I think we all appreciate a little daily guaranteed "break' from one another.  After rest time, the kids are recharged and ready to be back together again with an enthusiasm that usually lasts long enough to get us to dinner time!  Their bodies have been refueled with rest.  Their spirits have been refueled with quiet.  We're all better equipped to take on those last few hours of the day which can prove to be such a challenge. 

And that is why even my big kids still have afternoon rest time.  

Question for you: Until what age did your big kids rest?  Maybe they still do...

Why?

5 Ideas to Get Active Boys to Sit Still for a Few Seconds

You know your personality and temperament guide and affect how your parent, right?  I have a classic melancholic temperament - the type that makes parents bemoan the fact that their children behave like children.   

Kids can be loud, fast, and boisterous.  Energetic.  Inquisitive.  I have a love/hate relationship with these words.  I truly want my children to be energetic and inquisitive - that's so much more desirable than the alternative - lazy, bored, needy, apathetic, uninterested, unimpressed and uninspired by the world around them.   But I have to very intentionally hold myself back sometimes from pouncing on this energy, inquisitiveness, and excitement.  I can mistake it for rowdy disobedience and disrespect for home and family.  Sometimes it is, but usually it's not.  Usually it's kids being kids, and the melancholic mom in me - the one who wants her children to read the classics in a cozy corner of the couch before rationally discussing with me the dichotomy between Tom Sawyer's (another active, inquisitive boy) freely spent youth and today's micro-managed after school programs, or the influence of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle on the development of Encyclopedia Brown - has to bite her tongue and trust that the uncomfortable feeling in her gut is worth it because kids with properly encouraged energy and enthusiasm will, by the grace of God, mature into motivated, capable, competent, interesting adults.  (Oh please, God!  Please!)

BUT - sometimes I really just need my kids to sit down.  Especially my boys. (And even more especially during the months of the year when, "go outside and burn off this energy" isn't always an option.)  This "just sitting down" is, historically/psychologically/traditionally speaking, often more challenging for boys than girls.  So I've made it a little bit of a project to keep a mental log and a rainy-day stash of stuff for getting my boys to sit still for a few seconds.  

Here are my Top 5 Ideas For Encouraging Boys to Sit Still for a Few Seconds (for the years when they've pretty much outgrown play-doh but don't read all the time yet - which is what I really wish they'd do!):

[1] Legos.  This is probably the most obvious, but it's also my favorite.  I am amazed time and time again with what these kids come up with.  They've received a couple fabulous sets at birthdays and this past Christmas.  But we were also so fortunate when the high school boy down the block knocked on our door two summers ago with a huge bin of random Lego pieces. Things have never been the same. The boys' creativity literally knows no bounds and I love seeing what they construct! 

[2] Consumable Activity Books.  The ones we've really enjoyed so far are Mindware Color By Number (Mindware also has Extreme Dot to Dot books which I'd like to check out eventually) and Kumon Maze Books.  (both are kind of pricey, and I have been known to spend a quiet afternoon here and there erasing all the pencils lines out of the maze books so we can use them again...)

a work still in progress

[3] Other Books with Guided Activities (non-consumable):
  
Ralph Masiello's Learn to Drawn books - I hope to own a few of these some day, but for now we usually just get the Robots and Bugs books out of the library every couple months.

Ed Emberley's Books - we have Make a World and the Complete Funprint Drawing Book.

Books on Folding Paper Airplanes - I think there are quite a few books on folding paper airplanes, I only mention these two here because they're the ones we've had from the library:

The Paper Airplane Book, Seymour Simon (this one includes a lot on the science of flight - somewhat less of an "activity" book and more of a "science" book, but still good.)

Paper Airplanes - Flight School , Christopher Harbo - I highly recommend this book!!  The boys have spent TONS of time perfecting the various models and even making planes for their sisters. The cool thing about this book is that once you master all the planes in it, you can move on to the next books with higher levels of difficulty - Copilot, Pilot, and Captain.  The only obvious downside to this activity is that your home will be littered with paper airplanes for the rest of the day :(  

Usborne Activity Books - Truth be told, we haven't actually used these yet, so I can't quite offer an honest assessment of their value.  I bought these two books used off of Amazon and am hanging onto them until a needy moment after the baby is born. I've browsed through them - the picture instructions are clear, the written directions are simple enough for my young readers, and I really like the spiral spine feature because the book can lie open on the table and stay on the same page :)

[4] Kids' Craft Box - Thank you Dollar Tree for having everything these boys need to be bizarre and creative for about an hour!  The only rules for our craft box are (1) ask mom first and (2) you clean it all up when you're done.  The box has stuff like tape, string, bottled glue and glue sticks, craft sticks, pom-poms, pipe cleaners, paper doilies, ribbon, buttons, colored paper, stickers, cardboard, etc...  The kids are good about cleaning up so I'm willing to withstand the mess that comes with "independent craft time" for an hour or two.  Most of the time I end up throwing out whatever is created (you can imagine the late-night clandestine trips to the dumpster outside!), but once in a while a gem will appear that's worth keeping!

[5]  Puzzles and Games - I guess this is another obvious one.  Still, it's worth mentioning some favorites around here like Battleship, Jenga, simple card games (like War), checkers, Connect Four, and Spot It.  (my boys are 6 and 7... so not quite ready for Monopoly and Risk.  I'm still waiting for someone to want to play Clue and Pictionary with me...)

So there you have it.  Those are my sit-still ideas.  But you know I'm always filing away other great tips - don't forget to fill me in on your fabulous ideas for encouraging active boys to sit still for a few seconds!   

Audio Books and Stories for Kids (a list of what we love)

(My best list for making Quiet Time better)

* * * * * *

I recently promised a friend some ideas of books on CD for kids. I also recall a few friends asking for some similar suggestions about a year ago.  In the world of newbie bloggers, this can be interpreted as "hoards of fans are holding their breath until I post my list of recommendations."  Haha. 

I'm actually doing this for myself.  Because it really will be helpful for me to have a centralized place for keeping track of what we read and listen to.  And as a bonus, it's all in here in black and white for anyone else who's interested.

My youngest two kids still nap in the afternoon.  My oldest two have mandatory quiet time which involves listening to books and stories on cd (and maybe drawing, Legos, or puzzles if I'm feeling generous.)  We also often listen to stories in the car. We've amassed quite a collection of cd's and have a bevy of favorites that we take out of the library on a regular basis.  I have no parameters as to what's appropriate or what I'll allow them to listen to (despite some really obvious objections...)  I decide case by case, and sometimes there's no rhyme or reason - just my gut.  For instance, in general, I'm not in favor of violence, but we listen to the Chronicles of Narnia and Robin Hood.  Or again, some stories have occasional crude words, ("You silly ass" shows up in Peter Pan, I think) but I don't rule it out and instead remind the boys that just because you hear it in a story doesn't mean that it's now an approved part of your vocabulary.  And of course, you have to take content into account - Sarah Plain and Tall is a wonderful book, but it's all based on the fact that the children's mother died, or... it's edifying to listen to the lives of the saints, but are your kids ready to hear about martyrdom?  You get the point.  I've tried to discuss stuff like that with the kids before we launch into a book, but even I've been caught off guard by books that had words or content that took me by surprise.  

Without going on and on as I am prone to do... Here's a list of what we've read/listened to.  Keep in mind that my boys are 5 1/2 and 7.  I'd love to get your suggestions also!  (For those of you who are local, I've starred the items that are available through the local library system.)  

Sorry there aren't more links.  I just wanted to get this done. I may try to add some another time.  

Books on CD (in no particular order, except that maybe our favorite are nearer the top)

* Little House Series, Laura Ingalls Wilder  (they are ALL available through my local library)

* Mr. Popper's Penguins, Florence and Richard Atwater

* Tales of Beatrix Potter, Beatrix Potter

* Charlotte's Web, E. B. White

* Winnie the Pooh, A. A. Milne

  Treasury for Children, James Herriot

* Three Tales of My Father's Dragon, Ruth Stiles Gannett

* American Tall Tales, Mary Pope Osborne

* Tales from the Odyssey, Mary Pope Osborne

* Chronicles of Narnia, C. S. Lewis (we have only allowed these after we have read the books out loud together)

* Just So Stories, Rudyard Kipling

The Jungle Book, Rudyard Kipling (we've read an abridged version, and Aaron had read Riki Tiki Tavi at tutoring)

* Ribsy, Beverly Cleary

* The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum

* Bless This Mouse, Lois Lowry

* The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery 

* The Cricket in Times Square, George Seldon

* Black Beauty, Anna Sewell (we read it aloud first)

* Heidi, Johanna Spyri (read an abridged version first)

* Bambi, Felix Salten, adapted by Janet Schulman

* The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett (had read an abridged version first, they listened to an unabridged recording)

* Peter Pan, J. M. Barrie (same note as above)

Robin Hood (a one hour version from DK Classics)

* Truth and Life New Testament (yep!  they have it at the library!)

* Magic Treehouse Collection, Mary Pope Osborne (if you're not familiar with this series, I'd probably recommend checking it out for yourself before letting the kids listen/read.  For the most part I like them, and the boys have learned a lot from the stories, but the later books seem to get into a little about sorcery??  I'm not too sure what it's all about because we've stuck with the earlier volumes.  If you've read the later ones and have a better-informed opinion than mine, please let me know!)

Next, I think, on our list to read and then listen to: The Wind in the Willows and Sarah Plain and Tall & Caleb's Story , and Five Little Peppers and How They Grew

Other Worthwhile Recordings that are not "Books"

* Chronicles of Narnia, Focus on the Family Radio Theater (our library has at least two or three of these)

* Grimm's and Hans Christen Anderson's Fairy Tales, performed by Danny Kaye

Pecos Bill, performed by Robin Williams

Irish Folk Tales for Children, MORE Irish folk Tales for Children, Sharon Kennedy

ANY of the Glory Stories (stories of the Saints) from Holy Heroes.  We especially like Volume 1 (Blessed Imelda and Juan Diego) and the more recent ones - Blessed John Paul II, Blessed Jose Sanchez del Rio, and Blessed Miguel Pro.  The boys also really like the Holy Heroes audio version of the Stations of the Cross.

ALL of the Classical Kids CD's - stories of great composers
     Vivaldi's Ring of Mystery
   * Mr. Bach Comes to Call
   * Hallelujah Handel!
   *  Beethoven Lives Upstairs
     Tchaikovsky Visits America
     Mozart's Magic Fantasy
   * Mozart's Magnificent Voyage
   * The Song of the Unicorn (early music)
   * Classical Kids Christmas (a lovely collection of stories and songs, not secular) 

Anything from Jim Weiss at Greathall Productions.  I am saving my nickles and dimes to get a hefty collection of these stories.  But for now, these are the ones you can get at *our* local library...
   * A Christmas Carol and Other Favorites
   * Tales from Cultures Far and Near
   * Best Loved Stories in Song and Dance
   * Fairy Tale Favorites in Song and Dance 
   * Celtic Treasures 
   * Come On Seabiscuit! by Ralph Moody (a full length book)
(note: I'd say the last two on the list are probably best suited for children a little older than mine...)

Lastly, "think outside the box" - to use an already overused phrase.  It doesn't have to be a spoken drama or book to be a good story.  For example, the boys know the story of Joseph from the Old Testament very well so they can understand and appreciate the soundtrack to the show Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.   Or, after reading/listening to Peter Pan, they really enjoyed the soundtrack from the Mary Martin Peter Pan.  The love to listen to stuff like that at rest time, too.  It's "story" enough for me!

* * * * * *

I think that's it for now.  But don't forget these VERY important points...

Kids scratch CD's.  Copy them to your computer before you hand them over so that you have a digital backup for when the inevitable happens.

OR - go digital.  Buying the MP3 version of a recording is often cheaper than buying the disc.

OR - do both - Did you know that if you buy an actual physical CD from Amazon, it will automatically go into your Amazon Cloud. You can play it via your tablet or other mini device as long as you have internet access. 

And, lest you think I really know what I'm talking about... I barely do.  We still use old fashioned cd's and occasionally my tech-savvy mom feels sorry for me and helps us get set up with a digital recording here and there.  (Seriously, without my mom, I'd probably still be reading paper copies of everything.  Or typing this post on a typewriter...)