So, You're Having a C-Section (Tips, Tricks, and "Expert Advice")

 Despite the title of my previous c-section post, in the case of major surgeries practice does not actually make perfect.  You may know when your c-section will happen, but you certainly can not plan for every eventuality.   I'm may not be an expert but I have had five rather un-eventful c-sections.  Well, wait a minute.  They were monumentally eventful because they were the births of my children!!!  But you know what I mean.  They were routine.  There were no hiccups, no surprises, and my recoveries were a cake walk (as compared to many difficult c-section stories I've heard about...) 

While a c-section is not usually what any expectant mother is hoping for, it may be a reality for you or someone you know.  I've done it enough times to have a few tips for you :)  My list is not exhaustive, but these are things that stand out to me:

Before You Go to the Hospital

Here's a whole post I wrote on the things I like to do before going off to have a baby.  The one I wanted to mention again here is stock up on stuff.  Stock up on all your regular household items (shampoo, toothpaste, laundry detergent, etc...) because the fewer trips you have to make to the store in the next two months, the better.  One of the all-time dumbest things I ever did was drive by myself to Target the day after I got home with Dominic.  I still beat my up over how idiotic and potentially dangerous this was.  Please don't ever make this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mistake.  Stay home.  And send your husband.  Or a saint bernard.  

What to Bring to the Hospital

You may think that you can pack your hospital bags like everyone else when you're headed in for a c-section.  Not so.  Your hospital stay will be much longer and very different from other mothers, and you should plan accordingly.  You'll need to pack all the stuff on all the "normal" lists for your hospital bag (phone, camera, sanitary products, baby's first outfit, etc...)  and you should also plan on...

• Light reading material.  You may think it's the perfect time to delve into that long philosophy book you've been waiting to read (what with all the quiet time you'll have), but the meds you'll be on won't allow for deep thoughts.  Bring a beach-read novel.  My personal recommendations are the Jane Austen mystery novels by Stephanie Baron  (Oh my gosh, they're so fun!  Read them.)

• An iPad or other tablet or "smart" device.  In my experience, hospital TV and radio are so, so, so bad.  My last hospital stay was like a dream because I had my beloved Pandora stations and Netflix at my fingertips.  Sometimes you just can't read and you want to watch a show or two.  Or three or four ;)   (When I was in the hospital with newborn Ruth I watched 57 episodes of Cash Cab with my neck strained to see the TV strapped to the ceiling...Just bring your iPad, ok?!)  

• Prayer Intentions.  You might think you've avoided the pains of child birth by delivering via c-section, but believe me, your body will have gone through the wringer.  You'll have pains and unpleasantness aplenty.  And you'll certainly feel some of those child birth-like uterine contractions when you start nursing that little one (actually, postpartum nursing my fourth and fifth babies was the most painful thing I've ever done.  Certainly the closest to natural child-birth I'll ever get....)  Anyway, my point is, have some special prayer intentions in mind so that you can offer up the pain and discomfort you'll experience when your anesthetic starts to wear off.  

• Something to do.  My last two hospital stays were marked with copious amounts of crocheting.  In fact, when James was born, a visiting friend remarked that my room looked more like a yarn shop than a hospital room.  I have the dearest memories of crocheting peacefully with my sweet, new James in bed with me.  I managed to make him a handful of custom-fit hats since he was right there (!) and worked on my first crochet blanket during our hospital stay.  Having something to do is a must for me!  It will make your time in the hospital feel more like a cozy getaway instead of a week of confinement. 

• Nursing tanks and cardigan sweaters.  You really are going to be spending much of the first two days in bed.  The nurses will be doing a lot to tend to your lower half, but that doesn't mean you have to wear a hospital gown the whole time :(  If you've got a nursing tank and a cardigan, you'll be warm on top, and ready to easily feed your baby (if you're nursing).  

• Loose fitting pants.  Really loose fitting pants.  And loose underwear.  You may be one of those women who can mysteriously fit into pre-pregnancy pants on her way home from the hospital, but after a c-section, even if you can fit in 'em, you shouldn't wear 'em.  You'll appreciate having something very loose and stretchy to fit over your incision site.  Tight underwear is the worst.  Plan to wear loose underwear and stretchy pants in the hospital and on your way home.  Take care of that incision site, mama!

• A soft cloth diaper.  Or something comparable.  I really want to protect my incision site for the first week or so after surgery, so I tuck a soft cloth baby diaper in the front of pants in between my skin and underwear.  This gives me a barrier between the incision and whatever elastic I may be wearing.  I know this sounds like ridiculous TMI, but it really makes all the difference in preventing your incision from being irritated.  And I'm just looking out for my fellow section moms ;)

• THIS NECK PILLOW.  You're going to be on your back for the majority of two days, and then for a lot of time all the other days during your hospital stay.  I seriously can't tell you how wonderful this pillow was for me.  A memory foam neck pillow allows you to rest your head to the side (with enough support that you don't get a terrible crick) even when you're not able (or it's too uncomfortable) to shift your whole body to one side.  I honestly don't think people without major abdominal surgery will get why this is so important, but let me assure you it is.  I can only say over and over again, this pillow was probably the BEST "extra" thing I've ever brought to the hospital.  

What to Ask for at the Hospital

• You can ask to hold your baby immediately after it's born.  I have never done this, but have heard that my doctor and hospital are becoming more amenable to it, so if I'm ever on the table and under the knife again (hehe), I will request this.  At the very least, you can ask to see your baby right after it's delivered.   (James, my most recent baby, was my baby that I got to see the quickest.  Maybe Clare too...)

• Speak up for yourself.  Ask for more warm blankets if you need them (oh! I love thos hospital blankets!), ask for help moving, ask the doctors to tell you when they see your baby and how they're removing the baby, tell them you'd like your husband to cut the umbilical cord if he wants to, tell them if you want nurse your baby in the recovery room, ask to replace IV pain meds with oral ones after you're in your room (IV meds, while more convenient, tend to make your drowsier.)  In short, be your own advocate.  It is after all, still the birth of your baby that's happening.

• Ask for anesthetics that are non-drowsy.  I have always been very alert and aware during my c-sections, but I have heard that that's not the case for everyone.  I wasn't loopy or trippy during my deliveries.  I was just pain free and present in the moment, and I'm so, so very grateful for that.  

• Ask for more pillows.  Even though I always have my aforementioned neck pillow at my head, I always ask for additional pillows to prop behind my back and under my stomach for the times when I do start to shift and want to rest more on one side of my body than just on my back.  You can also use pillows for the first few days of nursing to protect your incision and to "boost" the baby up without straining your lower abdominal muscles.  

• Before you are discharged, ask if they have an elastic abdominal binder to give you.  They better!  Binding your abdomen will serve two purposes - it will protect your incision site from daily activity (like toddlers crashing into you and the baby resting on you while nursing) and it will help support and hold your muscles in for quicker repair and and healing.  Also - sorry I have to mention this - ask for a stool softener prescription to go.  (You'll probably already be taking one during your stay)  After your section, you have nothing in the world left to be embarrassed about, so don't be shy about asking for this :)  Even though they won't let you leave without making sure your system is moving again, it's better to have some gentle help in this area for the first few days back at home.  Trust. me.   

A few final things...

• Let the nurses change your baby's diaper.  You do all the cuddling and holding and singing and stroking, but leave the changing to the nursery staff (except maybe till your fourth day or so)  It's a strain on your abdomen and incision that you don't need until you get home.  Don't feel guilty about it.  And don't feel guilty about asking the nursery to bring your baby to you any time you want.  And don't feel guilty about asking them to take your baby back to the nursery when you need to sleep.  You are recovering from major surgery and should not wear yourself out before you even get home.  

• Take your pain medication when you get home.  They won't give you anything that's harmful while nursing, so feel confident that taking your pain meds will help you take better care of your newborn and other family members.  That doesn't mean you can overextend yourself just cause you're feelin' no pain, but it does mean that you'll be able to heal more quickly and love on your newborn more because you won't be suffering unnecessarily.  

So, I've been around the c-section block a few times.  Let me know if you have any questions or if there's anything else I can share that would be helpful.  And if you've a multiple c-section mom (and I know there are a lot of your fabulous gals out there from the comments on my last post!),  please share your wisdom with us too in the comments!   I know there must be some other tips, tricks, and suggestions out there!!

Disclaimer: I've had my five surgeries, cared for sick kiddos, bandaged my share of cuts and scrapes, etc.... but I'm not a doctor.  Shocker, right?  I think there might be a responsible bloggers rule that says I have to tell you my suggestions are not medical advice and you should consult an actual physician to get actual medical information.  I just offer casual conversation mom-to-mom advice, so take or leave it ;)  

*   *   *   *   *   *

Bonus Material :)

I love my pictures of when I spent hours and hours crocheting and cuddling with Sweet Baby James, so you get to see them <3

*   *   *   *   *   *

You might also like...

If Practice Makes Perfect, I Might Be a C-Section Expert

Dear Cousin Miles, Birth order Matters.  Love, James

Thoughts on Baby Wearing from a Self-Proclaimed Non-Baby Wearer

How To Help a New Mom (or a Mom to Be)

Creative and Contented :: Large Families Living in Small Homes

What I've Been Up To - Home Improvements, Craftiness, All the Things

Haven't done one of these in a while, so how 'bout a good ole fashioned random recap of stuff that maybe no one will read but it's fun to write anyway?  And of course, what's a random round-up post without lots of mediocre phone pics :) :)  :)  

How far back should I go...................   I never shared our pics from the County Fair in August.................

Kidding :)

*   *   *   *   *   *

We've been having lots of stuff done around the house.  Back in October, we finally had our living room ceiling repaired from the water damage that happened last winter.  And as long as they were tearing up the ceiling, we had them install recessed lighting while they were at it.  Our living room is pretty big, and we've only ever had two little lamps lighting it.  In the winter it felt like we were living in a cave, even during the day.  At night -- well, how's a girl supposed to crochet in a dimly lit cave???  So, the new lights have been the best change of all!  And while the worker guys were at it, we had them paint the walls.  And the trim.   And then we decided to get new carpet.  And to replace our furniture of almost 10 years. And now, I LOVE our living room!! 

Before

watching them tear out our ceiling

lights!!!!!!!

during

the work crew we had were awesome!

after

after

after

And then we sort of got carried away and had a neighbor (who's a painter...) paint the dining room.   (The new color is Sherwin Williams Sea Salt)

before

before

after

And then he painted the kitchen.  It's also Sea Salt, but I don't have a pic.  

And then Russ and I did the half bathroom.  It was pink (was that way when we moved in seven years ago) and we finally painted it Sherwin Williams Rainwashed.  And I have some of the kids' lovely handiwork hanging in there, which I love!

before (it was pink when we moved in)

Fresh paint seriously refreshes everything!   

*   *   *   *   *   *

All Saint's Day was celebrated.  There were costumes.  I made most of them, but the big kids helped a little.  They looked awesome for three seconds and then the kids started undressing themselves and by the end of the All Saint's Day party they looked like ragamuffins instead of saints.  Happens every year, and still, we make costumes.....  All costumes brought to you by Champion T-shirts from Target.  Just like every year ;)

St. Katier, St. Patrick, St. Pascual, Our Lady of Guadalupe
(my oldest was out of town...)

*   *   *   *   *   *

I decided I wanted to see what the chalk paint and chalkboard paint crazes were all about so the kids and I headed to the thrift store to look for some projects.  You just never know what you're going to find in those places...

I decided to paint some frames and make some chalkboards for our home because I want to be more like Heather.  There is some seriously ugly art at thrift stores.  But I got some fabulous frames, and now I've got some awesome chalkboards.  Was it bad that I painted over a scary picture of Jesus??

the boys had already memorized the first half, so we just needed the last bit up for review :)

that's Jesus under that there chalkboard...

These frames cost about $5 each at thrift stores.  That plus the cost of the paint makes them WAY less expensive than comparable chalkboards I've seen on Etsy.  So there.  

Then I saw this at JoAnn's and wanted to make one for myself.......

So I did....... And mind ended up cheaper and cuter ;)

I already had the frame from my thrift store escapades.  I just bought the burlap for the backing - $3.99 a yard, baby!

Finally I still have this frame waiting for a future.  They were asking $20 for this beauty at Salvation Army, and I asked the cashier if that was for real.  She ended up giving it to me for $10, which was still way too much, but it is huge and it will make a fun project when I figure out what that is.

*   *   *   *   *   *

I came up with a storage idea for our puzzles and arranging games that I thought was sort of ingenious.  I put them in a clothes hanger-thing in our coast closet so that they're organized and they're behind closed doors so that the big kids can get them but James CAN NOT.  Genius.  

what did I tell you about mediocre photos, huh?!?

*   *   *   *   *   *

I KonMari'd our photos!!!  It. felt. awesome.  I didn't want to eliminate all physical photos because the kids really enjoy looking at them, and I think they provide a sense of family history for all of us beyond the stories we tell.  But I was able to weed out over 50% of our photos and consolidate nearly 10 of those small space-eating albums into two large books.  I bought these books, and they're great!  The best part about this project was that I bought these large albums three years ago and have put off making the switch because I thought it was going to be a huge 3 month-long project.  It wasn't.  I finished it in two nights!!  Now I can go back and order prints for the last four years...... we don't have any family pics since just before Clare was born :(  

some of the old stupid albums

new awesome albums that hardly take up any room!!

 *   *   *   *   *   *

Ok, I've got to wrap this up.  If you made it to the end, thanks!  I've really enjoyed the changes we've been making around here and it was fun to share them with you :)   It's so nice to make improvements that make you fall in love with your own home!

Hey, by the way!  Happy Gaudete Sunday!!  REJOICE!

If Practice Makes Perfect, I Might be a C-Section Expert

So, you probably know I've got five kids, right? 

Did you know I've had five c-sections??  

Maybe you didn't.  It's not in my blog bio, I've never written a "birth story," and I don't have a big ol' "I Survived Three + C-Sections" bumper sticker on the mini van.  I've dialogued with myself quite a bit as to why I haven't written about it much and I'm pretty sure the answer is that I'm afraid of being criticized and plugged into a statistic.  Even though I have made my peace with my c-sections, I still feel vulnerable when they're out in the open for conversation, or debate, or criticism...  

"Women's bodies are designed to give birth, not be cut open."  "Have you heard that most c-sections are unnecessary?"  "Most c-sections are selfish on the part of the mother."  "Did you know that moms and babies are __% more likely to experience complications or death with each successive c-section?"  

Yep, I have heard all of these.  But most of them not until after having my third child (and third c-section) and most of the decisions I made before that were in ignorance.  Maybe that's what's hard to admit and what I don't want to write about...    

Anyway, the fact is that I have had five c-sections and it is what it is.  It does no good for me to regret, and wonder, and what if, and woulda, coulda, shoulda, because my bed has been made (and it's a five-day-stay hospital bed, hehe...)  I have had five utterly un-complicated pregnancies.  I have five gorgeous children; and what gifts they are! They are no less precious to me, or to God, or to anyone for that matter, because they entered the world in a sterile, well-lit surgery, as opposed to any of a dozen other scenarios.  I'm grateful for the surgeries that gave them to me.  

(Aaron, 2006)

My first c-section was not scheduled, but was the only option presented to me after many, many hours of useless labor due to a failed induction.  My other four c-sections were elective and scheduled because I was told by my first doctor that I'd not likely be able to have a natural delivery for one reason or another.  I didn't look into it too closely, and by the time I realized that my first doctor might not have been entirely honest with me, it was too late.  

(Dominic, 2007)

So I probably made some decisions without doing my homework, and I'd certainly never want any other woman to do this same, but I'm not in a position to regret what I've done.  They're in the past and cannot be changed.  And I can say with my hand over the Bible all legal-style, that I have never chosen a c-section out of selfish motivation (like getting too big, or getting too "loose," or getting too tired to being pregnant.)  I've never chosen a c-section because it was the "easy way out;" whichever way you give birth your body is going to feel like you were hit by a bus and tossed hundred yards.  No birth is easy.

(Ruth, 2010)

But I sure am grateful for modern medicine and for my Catholic, pro-life doctor that evaluates women's bodies individually and doesn't automatically say three sections is the limit like most doctors nation-wide.  

And I'm grateful for this body that God has given me - because, if I do say so myself, this body rocks at c-sections :)  

I've joked with friends before that if c-sections needed a poster child, it would be me.   I mean, I have had a lot of practice, and I *might* go so far as to say, I'm good at it.  Or at least my body is.  My sections have always gone smoothly.  I've been totally awake, alert, and participatory.  My babies have been healthy.  Nursing has always gone well.  And my recovery. is. awesome.  

(Clare, 2012)

Never in a million years do I want you to think that I am recommending cesarean births over vaginal deliveries.  I am not.  But I can certainly speak honestly about my own experience with c-section deliveries, which I am grateful to say have been nothing less than amazing.  

Cesarean births are obviously not without their trials, though.  And they're certainly not all physical.  It's a monumental act of surrender to to be essentially not in control of what's happening to you.  During each surgery I've had the choice to bemoan my circumstances or to prayerfully transform them into an exercise in virtue.  I've often prayed during my c-sections reflecting on the fiat of Mary for strength.  I've said "yes" to bringing a new life into the world, and then must surrender myself and my baby entirely into the care of another.  I give myself entirely over to the medical professionals around me and trust that they have my well being at heart.  Total trust.  Total surrender.  Totally offering myself and my little one up to the care of another.  Sort of sounds like how I'm supposed to be with God every day, huh?  I surrender myself entirely - hand my very life over in complete faith - and though I've been poked, and prodded, wounded, and humbled, the result is overwhelming - a result maybe even greater than I could have accomplished on my own - the result of surrender and trust is new life.  

One of the biggest sacrifices a c-section mom may have to make is not holding her baby immediately after birth (though now it's becoming more common!  Yay!)  It's heart wrenching to hear your baby cry but not have held her yet.   It's so bittersweet to have your baby brought over to caress your cheek on the surgery table, but you're not able to reach out and draw him near.  I could waste my energies and emotions on how it's not fair and how much it hurts, or I can choose to embrace it as another of the sacrifices I offer in my circumstances.  I offer it up in union with all that Mary suffered when she could not hold her Son when she must have so desperately wanted.  And I offer it up for the little one I'm waiting to cuddle - her health, her sanctity, her everything.

(James, 2014)

I've experienced it all - the anticipation, worry, surrender, trust, intentional paralysis of the majority of my body with potentially life-altering consequences, not the least of which is -- I get a baby at the end of it!  I've done it five times, but I joke about being an expert, of course.  We're never experts when it comes to life and love!  Neither usually go as planned, do they?  Plus, it's a little prideful and quite frankly, ridiculous, to boast about being an expert at something that happens when you're 75 percent numb and immobile ;)  

I may not have achieved Expert Status yet, but I did want to write something that would encourage and maybe even help other c-section moms.  You've got this, mama!  You may be sacrificing your body for your baby in a way that's different from other birthing moms, but in one that's no less efficacious or rewarding <3  

Not Believing in Santa is Not Ruining Christmas for my Kids

At the risk of labeling myself a big fat Scrooge, I've got another post on why we don't maneuver Santa Claus into our family holiday traditions.  Humbug.    

But not so humbug, because I actually love Christmas, and gifts, and our family traditions.  And my kids really think Christmas is awesome.  What they may not possess in terms of holiday "magic," they make up for in joy, generosity, and excitement (food and presents can do that to a kid...)  

When Russ and I were engaged and spending long hours discussing "important" issues for our future family (ha, it's funny to look back on what we thought about having kids before we had kids...), the question of Santa came up.  Santa was never a part of my Christmas celebration growing up and I knew that he wouldn't be a factor in my own children's Christmas experience.  Russ had never heard tell of such a thing, but he heard me out.  In the end, he agreed with me.  I think no one was more surprised than he :)    

Here's what it boiled down to then and now.  

* Christmas is about Jesus.  Period.  And the gifts we get and the gifts we give are an extension of the gift of God made man - Jesus as a newborn baby 2000+ years ago and Jesus triumphant return at the end of time to close the deal (so to speak...)

* Spinning an elaborate tale about who Santa is and how he does what he's supposed to do is lying and manipulation I've never wanted to get into.   I can say with confidence that, in general, we refrain from telling intentional, sustained lies to our children.  It feels wrong to lead them down an untruthful path during their formative years, while there is so much real Truth that we're trying to instill at the same time.  The task of Catechises is already so monumental, I prefer to improve my chances at imparting the truths of the Faith by not confusing things like the birth of the savior with other non truths of the Faith.  (So, I'm really just trying to increase my success at parenting ;) )   I'm not comfortable with lying about something "big" and then shattering it as my kids get closer to their "difficult," "independent thinker" years, but at that same time asking them to deepen their beliefs in the other "big" - Christ, the Church, evil, salvation, etc...  I want my kids to trust me in the big things, and trust that the "big things" we've introduced to them are all real and unfading.    

* In addition to feeling wrong, lying can be exhausting!  I've seen friends burn out in the face of their kids' questions.  It's actually too much work (emotional, mental, and logistical!) for something that really has nothing to do with Christmas in the first place.  

* Santa Claus is St. Nicholas, you say?  Not really.  I addressed that here.  And even if he were, Christmas is not about St. Nicholas, so there'd be no need to be all "Santa is St. Nicholas is Santa" on Christmas Eve or Christmas day.  You could do that whole thing on December 6th if you wanted, but we don't.   

* The idea that Santa's watching and will only bring gifts to good children is often used as a behavioral management strategy by confused or lazy parents.  Please note: Not all parents that include Santa in their holiday traditions are confused and lazy!  I know children who believe in Santa and their parents don't use Santa Claus as a behavior management tool or idle threat.  However, Russ was in family mental health counseling for years and did see enough of this to know that there was something a little twisted in moms and dads dealing with rowdy or foolish kids by threatening that Santa wouldn't come on Christmas Eve if they didn't change their childish ways.   This is really hard for me to see, in the grocery store, parking lots, malls... kids being manipulated and threatened by the goings on of a fictional character.  

* I never want my children to think that gifts magically appear.  They don't.  We rarely deserve the gifts we're given, but they always come from someone who loves us enough to give them to us anyway (that's why Christmas is about Christ after all!)  Someone is behind every gift.  Someone made my children's happiness enough of a priority to choose something special, spend money on it, wrap it up, and deliver it.  That real life person deserves to be recognized and thanked.  Real people give gifts and my children will thank them personally and in writing for every gift they receive (though sometimes it may take us a couple weeks to get the thank you notes out...  ahem.) 

* Kids love presents.  (Um... so do I, actually...)  I spent our first few Christmases trying to downplay getting gifts with my kids, but that's a fool's errand, right?  As I mentioned before, the giving and receiving of gifts is one of the tangible, "incarnational" ways of spreading and sharing the true meaning of Christmas.  I try to let my kids enjoy the delight of receiving gifts, and hope that experiencing how good it feels will help motivate them to do the same for others.  God gives freely to us.  We should do the same to others.  And we can be comfortable in receiving joyfully and freely from those around us too!  

* Finally, even though we give and receive gifts as a celebration of, and witness to, the gift God gave us in his son, Christmas isn't just about the baby.  Christmas is also about the promise of his return!    And somehow, I don't think anyone ever looked at this....

.... and felt his heart swell with the true message of the season -- Unto us a child is born!! and Christ will come again!!  Or maybe they did.  I can't really judge what happens in the hearts of others.  What I do is keep the season in my preferred way -- the way that I think will best convey the message of the Messiah's birth and second coming in my home and with my family.  And believe me, my family and I wish you a very blessed Advent and Christmas season, regardless of how you keep the feast in your home and with your family!  

“God is here. This truth should fill our lives, and every Christmas should be for us a new and special meeting with God, when we allow his light and grace to enter deep into our soul.”

St. Josemaria Escriva, Christ is Passing By

*   *   *   *   *   *

You may also like...

Our Epic Holiday Tradition: CHRISTMAS SNACK TABLE

 The Theology of the Third Verse (thoughts on Christmas Carols for Twelfth Night)

An Advent and Christmas Resource Round-Up

A Peg Doll Nativity (a craftiness show and tel)

Why We Don't Tell our Kids That St. Nicholas is Santa Claus (or vice versa)

A few weeks before Christmas last year I started writing your run-of-the-mill "Why We Don't "Do" Santa" post.  I never finished it.  I kept poking at it and changing it and rewriting it.  Finally it got to the point where I had to stop because I was burning through the precious time I had left to crochet hats and pot holders and slippers for Christmas gifts.  (I mean, it just wouldn't be Christmas without a garish array of mediocre yarn creations by Theresa, would it??)

I started playing around with that post again this year, but even as I was writing and rewriting it, something new occurred to me. Not only do we not "celebrate" Santa, we don't even equate him with St. Nicholas.  

Plenty of people argue that Santa Claus is a harmless modernization of St. Nicholas.  And I've heard the people who preach that we need to redeem the modern-day, commercialized Santa Claus and return him to his Christian roots in Nicholas. But in my home and for my family, I don't want St. Nicholas to be Santa Claus. For secular me, Santa is a waste of energy and misdirected holiday enthusiasm. For Catholic me, I'm pretty into St. Nicholas, and I'm uncomfortable distorting Nicholas so that he can be Santa Claus.  

I don't buy it when people say I can "believe in" Santa Claus because he's really Saint Nicholas.  (I think this is a superb post on it, even though I happen to disagree :) ) I understand that's where the tradition first began, but that's not what Santa Claus is now.   And we live now. 

When the kindly folk in the grocery store ask my children in a sticky sweet voice, "Is Santa coming to your house this year?" they mean this...

They don't mean, "Are you going to honor the fourth century Greek bishop, patron of children and sailors, by hanging your stocking 19 days after his feast day in the hopes over discovering a gift there in the morning?"  

To the grocery store inquiries, I usually offer my own sticky sweet smile (it's really just bits of candy cane stuck in my teeth) and reply, "We celebrated St. Nicholas’ Day earlier this month (the kids leave out their shoes and know that mom and dad leave treats and gifts there in honor of St. Nicholas)  and now we're busy preparing the gifts we'll give to others on Christmas."  And then hopefully my kids launch into a litany of the projects they're working on and the topic of conversation has been totally turned, because most strangers can't wrap their heads around the way we keep Christmas.

My kids don't "believe in" Santa Claus.  Santa Claus plays no role in our Christmas (except in making an appearance in the tune "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," which I love.)  Santa does not come to our house.  Santa does not leave gifts.  Santa is not happily married in the North Pole, nor does he have a workshop there.  We tell our children that Santa Claus does not exist.  (It's ok if you think I'm ruining my kids.  I don't.)   

And Santa is not St. Nicholas.

I believe the person of St. Nicholas would be lost if my husband and I embellished the traditions and legends surrounding that saint into lies we'd tell our children about Santa Claus.  This is not how we honor saints.  It is inconsistent with all the things we ("we" means "husband and I" :) ) teach our children about venerating and honoring the Saints.  Catholics are not required to hold any particular devotion to the Saints, but if we choose to, we meditate on their lives of Faith, strive to imitate their holy example,  and appreciate the goodness and glory of God in His work through them.  We teach our children about the virtuous lives of the Saints, the miracles attributed to them, and the power of their intercession for particular needs.  Many saints, especially those from the early Church, are surrounded by a cloud of legends.  We happily teach our children about these legends, how they may have developed, why they are significant, and how such stories can still bring glory to God even though the truth of the matter is not always clearly defined.  But we don't invent miracles or attribute magical happenings to saints and claim that they are still taking place to this day outside of the approval of the Church.   That is a mis-representation of the Faith and of the honored position of Saints in the Church, and is an affront to the traditions of the Catholicism.

I actually think that it would be better to believe in Santa Claus as a secular bringer of gifts, completely detached from the name, concept, and reality of St. Nicholas, than to tell our children in all sincerity that the 4th century bishop is also a present-day toy maker plying his trade in the frigid north.

It misrepresents the real Nicholas.  The little that is known of him is rich and uplifting.  He deserves, as all Saints, to be honored for who he was - not for what I pretend, or speculate, him to be.   

To attribute gifts and magic to a beloved saint (and to encourage my kids to believe it) would probably also not be a great witness to our non-Catholic friends who may already be scrutinizing our often misunderstood veneration of the saints and our appreciation of our Faith traditions and legends.  And, in my opinion, it just does not give glory to God or credit to the Catholic Faith to fabricate fanciful tales about canonized Saints. But upholding their actual lives and deeds are awesome for our good and God's glory. ("Veneration given to saints is giving glory to God in them and through them; their graces are God's gift to them, and their example is our hope." I found that in Butler's Lives of the Saints, so it must be so ;) )  

So, our children are very familiar with the legends of St. Nicholas that make him a patron of children (you know, like restoring the pickled boys to life) and a generous giver of secret gifts (the old coins-for-the-girls-in-the-stockings story). Our kiddos know that my husband and I give them gifts in honor of Nicholas on his feast day. We certainly invoke his intercession, and while we heartily believe that miraculous events could absolutely occur as a direct result of the intercession of St. Nicholas, we have never told our children that gifts under the tree are those miraculous doings.

There is no other saint that we honor by changing his or her name, insisting that the legends and traditions surrounding him or her are actually going to happen again on a specific night, and celebrate him or her on a day that is not actually their Church-appointed feast day.  It's so absurd that it's hard to even make a decent comparison, so here's a weak one...  St. Patrick is a respected Catholic saint throughout the world.  He's even in good standing among non-Catholics.   He's so much fun we're going to call him Naomh Pádraig (Blessed Patrick) and we're going to say that 19 days after his March 17 feast day, on April 5, he's going to drive all of the snakes out of our backyard (because he did that once in Ireland, and now he's going to do it again.  here.  on April 5.)  It's going to be magical!  And I'm really going to be the one that moves the snakes (or worms, as the case may be in urban Western New York) , but I'm going to convince my children that Naomh did it.   And when my children find out in their tween years that he doesn't really come and rid our neighborhood of snakes each year, they will not mind in the least that I perpetuated this fanciful story to them and they will still be interested in learning everything they can about the real Patrick and they will be drawn into a personal devotion to the real Saint, until they have their own snake-fearing children and realize it's time to resurrect Naomh Padraig.  

See?  It's kind of weird.  It's not really honoring St. Patrick at all.  Calling the modern-day Santa Claus a way to honor St. Nicholas makes about as much sense to me.  My family and I choose to honor St. Nicholas on his feast day with prayer, reading about his life, feasting, and gifts.   My husband and I have not attempted to honor him by telling our kids that he's actually going to show up again, tiptoeing around on our roof a few weeks later.   Nor do we honor any other saint by convincing our kids that he or she is coming to do X, Y, or Z on any given day. So if we were going to insist that Nicholas was going to do the whole roof bit on December 24, we're not really prepared to explain to them why it's just St. Nicholas and why Saints Ursula, Felix, Kunegunda, and Joan of Arc have forsaken our rooftop.

Who knows.  Maybe all of them are up in Heaven now, looking down on poor, misguided me, laughing and shaking their heads at silly little Theresa.  We’ve been on her roof several times and she still doesn't get it! And she's so, so wrong about all of it anyway! Maybe they’ll question me when we finally meet (and Oh!! I hope we do!) as to why I was so Scroogy and unimaginative with making Christmas magic.  Won’t the joke be on me, then!  I’m sure I won’t have any answer than, I love St. Nicholas, and I’m full of the Christmas spirit, but I just never found it necessary to spin tales about the one to enhance the other for myself or for my children.

*    *    *    *    *    *

My opinions are strong, but they're just that - opinions.  They're important only insofar as they're how I approach holiday traditions and Christmas with my family.  I know a lot of parents (most of them way better at parenting than me) that love celebrating Santa and St. Nicholas, or Santa as St. Nicholas.  Do you believe me when I say, that's ok because it actually has nothing to do with my family?  It's true.  So if you have some different thoughts or opinions or ways you do things with your family, I'm cool with that too, and I'd love for you to chat about them here.  (Except I should clarify, that by "cool" I mean "I can accept our differences"  and you really shouldn't interpret "cool" in the "impressive, hip, or sophisticated" sense.  No one has ever accused me of the second definition ;) )