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Tuesday, June 16, 2015

I Want the Tidying Up, But Not KonMari's Brand of "Life-Changing Magic"


I recently finished the popular and much-discussed book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo.  I spent several months on a virtual public library queue waiting for it to be my turn to read this thing.  Come on, people!  Have you seen my house?  I need this book yesterday!  



It took me about a week to read it, but that's because I only stole snippets of reading time here and there.  It's a quick and easy read.  I was very engaged through the whole first half. The first half is about getting rid of stuff, and I've always wanted to have the guts to do that in a major way.   I sped through the second half about storing things because the book was overdue (and the library seems to think that other people on the queue take priority over my renewal needs...)  And then the last few pages left me deflated.  And sad for Ms. Kondo...

But let me back up a little...

She calls her method the KonMari Method (it's a derivative of her name).  The basic principles of the book are these:

* You keep only the things that "spark joy"  (Riiiight -- basically, you keep things that swell your heart or give you a thrill when you touch them.  Soooo, that's a little weird, but I can work with it...)

* Following Kondo's categories of belongings (and in the order she tells you to tackle them) you physically handle every item in your home and discard those that don't bring you joy.  According to her, this is probably about 2/3 to 3/4 of what you currently own.  

* Once you have kept only those things that spark joy, you must identify the place where they belong and commit to storing things in their proper spots.

* You rarely need new-fangled storage solutions with her method.  You're not really tidying if you're just hiding things from view in clever organizational contraptions.  You just need to eliminate the things that don't bring you joy and use the storage space you already have for all that's left.

* If you do her method the "right" way, Kondo is emphatic that you will never have to do it again.  For her, tidying is a one time life event (usually spanning 6 to 12 months), and once done properly, you will never submit to clutter again.

* Your real life begins after putting your house in order.  The act of tidying is not the purpose of life, but a tidy home allows for your space and mind and time and energies to pursue "what brings you the most joy, your mission in life."

I buy into a lot of what she has to offer, and in fact, my husband and I, even though we weren't following her method to a T, got the decluttering bug and in three days we hauled out four huge bags of garbage, five huge bags of stuff to donate, and put several large items - like old high chairs and baby seats - at the curb.  It's addicting!  I'm on a roll, and will share about our decluttering in a forthcoming post.  (I don't want to confuse my thoughts on the book with the practical applications ;) ) 



Like many other Christian bloggers have referred to, there were several suggestions in the book that I did not take to heart... things like greeting your home when you enter it, thanking your belongings for a job well done, treating your clothes to a refreshing break after they've done "a hard day's work," not stacking items in your home because that squeezes the life out of them, totally emptying your purse at the end of the day (really????)  This isn't the way we do things around here.  Especially not the purse part, and especially not the talking to our house and possessions part.  It is right to appreciate the place of belongings in our life, but it is infinitely more appropriate and fulfilling to thank God for the blessing of those things.  In addition, we should be good stewards of the gifts we've been given, but giving undue importance to objects is at best weird, and at worst, idolatry. 

It's this last point that left me feeling uneasy at the end of the book.  For Kondo, a tidy home becomes the idol - the source of supreme happiness.  Since her childhood, the author admits to feeling ignored in family life and out of place at school because her interests led her to pursue activities not typical to a traditional childhood.  Discarding, organizing, storing, and tidying have always fascinated her and became her ultimate  happiness.  She writes, "I can think of no greater happiness in life than to be surrounded only by the things I love....  All you need to do is get rid of anything that doesn't touch your heart.  There is no simpler way to contentment.  What else could this be called but "the magic of tidying up."

All the things that I considered ridiculous up to this point in her book had been easy to ignore, or replace with a faith-based alternative. But this last bit sounded too sad for words.  In the end, a tidy home afforded Kondo her  "greatest happiness"  - being surrounded by the things she loved.  Not people.  Not a relationship with the living God, or any god.  Not faith or hope.  Not love.  

Like many, I too, long for a tidy home.  I long to live clutter-free.  I long to have a place for everything and everything in its place.  I long for my children to improve at putting away toys and books when they're done using them.  I long to have beautiful things surrounding me.  I long to keep my counter tops clear.  I long to "know" where my shoes belong because I tend to leave them everywhere.  (I'm the only one in the family w/o a designated shoe bin or spot and it shows....)  I long for all these things, but not because my greatest happiness will be fulfilled by sitting in the midst of my beloved belongings.  I desire a tidy home because it lends itself to virtue.  I desire a tidy home ...so that my family members become the obvious focus of every room ...so that loving and serving my family can be done with ease of motion (!) and without the distraction of clutter ...so that I do not trip on stuff when serving aforementioned family ...so that we can pray in a room that allows our hearts and minds to focus on God instead of what needs to be picked up around here ...so that we can sit down to a meal without having to move piles of school books and craft supplies ... so that we can extend holy hospitality to our friends and so that our guests feel at ease and at home and not concerned about disturbing the precarious piles of stuff ...so that I can eliminate all swearing due to stepping on Lego pieces ...so that our home is a reflection of the gratitude we feel for these blessings - four walls, a solid roof, our food and material possessions - all a testament to God's goodness in the specific ways he cares for our family ...so that we can share our bounty with others ...so that we can use our belongings as tools for growth in joy, friendship, and wisdom ...so that we can appreciate our things instead of grumble about them ... And lastly, (and this is totally and completely confidential between you and me.  pinky swear?  ok.) I desire a tidy home so as to break free from the clutter-induced temper tantrums from which I occasionally suffer (embarrassingly, this a real thing for me).    

Kondo has so much wisdom and experience to offer - indeed, plenty to keep me busy for some time!  We've only just begun, but it has already had a liberating effect :)  And I truly can't wait to continue our decluttering and to implement some of her method in earnest.  But where the book falls short, my prayer will pick up the slack.  God is the giver of all good things; he alone will be granted my prayers of thanksgiving and praise.  And my deepest desire, the prayer of my heart, will be that the efforts we put into discarding, sorting, and storing our belongings will reap mighty and holy rewards in the heart of our family.  For when we are more fully able to love and serve each other, and in turn love and serve Jesus Christ, there we will find true joy and happiness, and that is the "life-changing magic" that I want.  

Lord, True joy and happiness come from you!  In you alone do we find the peace, comfort, order and solace we want to convey in our homes, to our spouses, our children, and our guests.  Give us your guidance as we tidy our homes, and in turn our hearts and minds, so that there may be more of you and less distraction and clutter.  Grant us the grace to grow in virtue as we order our homes to better and love and serve you.  Amen.  



35 comments:

  1. This hits the nail on the head of a lot of feelings I had about this book but haven't been able to totally express -- so glad Kendra linked over here on FB. I really did enjoy the book, and it has helped me process a lot about my clutter. But since my ultimate goal has been detaching from my belongings rather than prioritizing them, there definitely is a different perspective -- though KonMari is helping me get closer to that detachment!

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    1. Yes, Brigid! Detachment!! She definitely does not know the peace that can come from detachment to worldly goods. Thanks for mentioning that important virtue!
      And thanks for stopping by and commenting!

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  2. Spot-on, Theresa! It's really true that even a good thing, when disordered, can become an idol in our lives and lead us away from God. I'm so glad you shared your thoughts on this.

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  3. Yes, the state of my house has *such* an effect on my mood! We just did a HUGE purge in preparation for our cross country move. I couldn't believe how many bags of trash we generated for only having lived there for three years and only having three people!

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    1. Also, I live your take on it all, that a tidy home is so fulfilling not for the tidiness itself but because it allows you to enjoy the people in it! So true.

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    2. Thanks, Katie! I can't even imagine the day we have to move out of our home. It sounds like such a scary proposition, but could be just the thing we need to purge our stuff. Good for you for taking the initiative and not lugging it across the country. Hope your move goes well!

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  4. I, too, have had a clutter-induced temper tantrum or two or three. I can only take so much.

    I have not read the book, and I don't intend to, but I'm curious to know...I have 6 kids and a husband. What if all of their junk brings them joy but brings me anything but?

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    1. Christine - she only very briefly addresses the issue of multiple-resident households. The book is definitely geared toward a single person living alone or in a room in their parents' home. She does not have a lot of practical advice to offer the busy mom of many. I'm saving some more of my thoughts on this for another post :)

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    2. thank you for this article, It helps me frame her method in my world view.
      I'm looking forward to your follow up post on this. I'm just starting reading the book over here and I was already wondering what to do about the baby's clothes and toys.

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  5. I have those temper tantrums all the time! The only reason *I* can see for getting rid of stuff is so that I'm less distracted from my vocation and therefor, from God. The happiest months of my semi-recent life were the months we moved to Korea and the month we moved back. Our stuff was on a boat in the middle of the Pacific and I was TOTALLY okay with that.

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    1. hehe... I'm glad I'm not the only one with the tantrum problem ;)
      Spot on about "clearing the way" to live out our vocation. It seems so common sense... but she missed it.

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  6. Beautifully written and explained. I have not read this book but would have the same reservations and disappointment as you.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Karen!

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  7. Well, said, Theresa! There still is a lot of wisdom in this little book. In addition to what you've stated, I feel that prudence and practicality were overlooked. (Who actually gets joyful over a toilet brush? And I hate or carpet -- should I tear it up?) Over and over I would say to myself, "sure, that works if you are single, but what if you have a family's worth of stuff. Legos don't being me joy (they drive me *crazy*), but I find joy in the fact that my *children* enjoy them, and I am happy they are playing creatively, etc.

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    1. Spot on, Julie. She definitely didn't address practical necessities very well. Those things need a place in our homes without being in the way or being an eyesore. And she definitely didn't have a lot of advice to offer families with TOYS, BOOKS, and all the size CLOTHES!

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  8. I strongly recommend The House That Cleans Itself. It's got a Christian slant, but it is SO incredibly more useful than just 'throw it all away if you can't smile at it.' This book gives so much depth and help that Kondo's book doesn't even touch.

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    1. Seconding this rec! An excellent book. And I adore Leila Lawler's "The Reasonably Clean House" series at LMLD. I re-read it every year, between Christmas and New Year's. :)

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    2. Thanks for the recommendations, ladies! Neither of these are at our local library, so I'll start a hunt for used copies!

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  9. Love this review. I think for me, decluttering and donating unnecessary things has been as much spiritual as physical work.

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    1. YES! You are so right! My husband and I were recently saying that eliminating some of our unnecessary and excess stuff has felt freeing to the soul. We have such an abundance, eliminating some of it actually produces deep gratitude.

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  10. Fascinated by your review:) Pondering away here. Actually I have a post bubbling away on the topic of clutter in that, whilst I would like to be more minimal, 12 people and various belongings live here and it looks different to say a family of 4. And I have to come to peace with that.

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    1. Yes. Sigh.
      I'd love to get a conversation going among moms on how to adapt this method to large families.

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  11. Oh dear, I have succumbed to the clutter induced temper tantrums too! Ugh.
    I resisted reading this book because of some of the strange things I had heard about it (which you mentioned). I love this review because I can see that there really is some value in the book that can be helpful, while the other stuff can be replaced with my way of doing things. This is spot on. Thank you!
    Now I think I may go put my name on MY library's list!!

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    1. Hope you don't have to wait to long to get it! It really is a nice, easy read. Perfect for summer :)

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  12. That's what's been kind of nice about moving every year or two since we first got married - it forces decluttering! But the stuff piles up so quickly, especially as we have more kids... I'm looking forward to reading more of your thoughts on this!

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    1. Yes. I secretly dread and crave moving. It would be so hard to pack all this up, but it would be so good to be forced to go through it all and eliminate what doesn't need to go with us. (no plans to move anytime soon, just imagining ;) )

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  13. Wow, it's like you're inside my head with this review -- and explaining your thoughts and assessment of the book much more articulately than I think I could have. I did the decluttering method she recommends with my clothes, and afterward my car was bursting with bags of donations (and my closets/drawers still had plenty of clothes in them, that I actually wear now! I don't know how I fit all the other clothes in there before!). It was great to be "free" from the weight of unneeded possessions, that could better be used by someone else. I also use her folding method and can actually see my shirts now. But I haven't tried doing the exercise with kitchen items and, in a family of four, I'm not sure if you should discard a perfectly good spaghetti claw if it doesn't spark joy. (Maybe a better way to think of it with practical items is, do I enjoy using this implement/tool, or is there something about it that isn't working for me and I'm keeping it anyway because I think I'm supposed to have one?) I also had to replace in my mind "thanking God" for the blessings in the house rather than treating them as entities to be honored in and of themselves. And, in the words of another blogger's review (Modern Mrs. Darcy, maybe?), her stance on books "made me want to cry." ;) Her focus on her own possessions (in a different way than we usually see) is perhaps unusual and disheartening in the way it seems to play out by the end. Still, for someone mature and formed in their beliefs, I really don't think reading this book is going to scandalize your faith. It struck me as one of those, "Use what works and leave the rest," types of things. And for the things that do work, they have been very helpful to me so far.

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    1. Sorry for the long comment. Yeesh, didn't realize when typing it out!

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    2. No apology needed! I'm the queen of using ten words when two will do! (but your comment wasn't like that at all ;) )
      Loved your thoughts. I'm definitely a book lover, but we actually culled A LOT of books. I'd been hanging onto so many things I'd never read (from my days studying history) and I know I never will - partially because my interests have changed. AND, if I want to read them, I'm counting on the library always coming through for me. It was hard to get rid of some of them, but having clean, eat shelves feels better. We didn't of course, get rid of everything. Some books are just too, too important!
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

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  14. I could not have said it better myself! Thank you so much for your blog post. I finished the book this week and I am embarking on the clothing declutter today. I felt sad and discontent at the end of the book even though her ideas are wonderful. My gratitude and thanks belong to God not to my stuff. I read your post this morning as a kind of devotional before I begin and prayed the prayer you had at the end to start my day. Thank you again for so eloquently stating what I was feeling! Have a wonderful day and God bless.

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  15. I guarantee you my kids would still shuffle everything around)? How have you taught your kids to fold this way. Japanese Magic Method

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  16. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the Konmari method. I've been struggling over two years (or more) to get my home organized with little success. I finally came across Marie's book and within the 1st two chapters decided I was going to do it, as everything else I've tried has just been a band-aid. I'm still reading the book, but some of her suggestions make me uneasy. So my prayer has been that God will show me if this is really right thing for me to do. I found your blog when I searched for a Christian perspective and you've really helped me to understand my uneasiness. Now I feel I can do it if I make it my focus to thank God (and not my belongings) who is my provider for how He has shown me a way to get control over my external clutter which will help to release some of the internal clutter that's holding me back from being who He has called me to be.

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  17. Thank you! I have been curious about this book but had reserves because it seemed to have a hidden spiritual side. I will be reading more of your blog!

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  18. Thank you! I have been curious about this book but had reserves because it seemed to have a hidden spiritual side. I will be reading more of your blog!

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