Wednesday, September 24, 2014

The New Latin for Weight Loss System!!

Please welcome the first and only sponsor of Ordinary Lovely, Latin for Weight Loss.  I have been considering using their system for my own personal weight loss goals for a while.  Now that they're officially on board at Ordinary Lovely, I'm definitely going to give it a whirl and will keep you updated on my progress.  I think you'll be quite impressed with their groundbreaking technique and encourage you to read on...




Here at Latin for Weight Loss, we believe that every man, woman, and child deserves a healthier lifestyle and the confidence that comes from having a little extra room in your toga.  Our groundbreaking system is guaranteed to help you eliminate eating, slim down, and regain the confidence that comes from denying yourself almost every single type of food.  

We are so certain that you'll eat less, lose weight, and love the program, that we are offering you a free trial through this blog affiliate.  To prove how serious we are about the quality of the Latin for Weight Loss System, we are sharing with this exclusive audience, the one and only tip you'll need for success:  Make all requests for food using the proper Latin vocabulary and grammar.

It's that simple.  Here's how it works.  When our bodies need nourishment, they send a hunger message to the brain.  The brain then converts that message into a request for food.  With the Latin for Weight Loss program, you will learn to deny your body the basics, like food and water, for rapid weight loss by re-programming your brain to only request food items using their appropriate Latin nomenclature and grammatically correct suffixes, of which there are nine hundred forty-seven thousand mind-boggling options.  

Let's take a look at the system in action...

Sallyentia* often gets hungry mid-afternoon.  In the past, she would have asked for a snack, would have received it, and would have eaten it, setting her back in her weight loss goals.  With our groundbreaking technique, Sallyentia's brain will struggle to convert the hunger message into a request for food because the Latin language is so bizarre and difficult to use, she will be conditioned to give up trying to ask for food and will be transformed into an individual who would rather go hungry than deal with the hassle of Latin. 

Here are some examples illustrating the genius behind the concept. You will see that by the time you are done mentally decoding the Latin words, the desire for food has past, or you have given in to frustration and have quit the pursuit all together.

"I would like a chocolatebitimusaerausiscum  baraeiaitimusasterulentus."

"May I please have a large bowl of iceariousorumbimustorius creamimimarumiaeumitius?"

"Where is the rest of the cookiearavisbimusaeitibunt doughabuntimusuntorum?"

"What does a girl have to do around here to get her hands on a bag of Doritosamascumaeitisbamusbantarius????????"

You can clearly see how the Latin for Weight Loss System is light years ahead of its competitors in setting clients up for weight loss success.   We are excited to send you our introductory DVD, Latin Grammar: Taking the Fun out of Falafels and Fondue and our bonus booklet of testimonials entitled How I Almost Learned Latin and Stopped Eating in Under a Week.

We are so confident that you will see immediate results with the program that we invite you to try this risk free offer for no cost using the code #sawitonafrustratedbyLatinmomblog#  Order within the next four hours, and we will also send you this plush robe.  It's the back-up plan to our groundbreaking weight loss system - the sleeves are sewn shut.  



If you are not completely satisfied with the Latin for Weight Loss DVD, return it to our distribution centers but keep the robe as our gift to you.  

We have maintained a long and meaningful relationship with many of our customers and look forward to the same with you once you try the Latin for Weight Loss System.  Just eat something before you call, because once you start attempting to request your meals in Latin, you will. never. eat. again.  And you will eventually tear your hair out in frustration and collapse on the floor because, after all, it's Latin.  Oh, and you're starving.

* Sallyentia is a fictional character from ancient Rome.  Her "supposed" weight loss and eventual demise are the typical results when using this program correctly.

Latin for Weight Loss is not a medically approved weight loss plan and is currently involved in several law suits in the third, fourth, fifth, eleventh, and eighty-eighth district courts to prove otherwise.  You should not begin a new dietary program without consulting your physician physician.  Togas can present a tripping hazard.  Side effects of the Latin for Weight Loss System of can include, but are not limited to, malnutrition, muscle weakness, loss of consciousness, and death.  Note: it has been concluded by some studies that food and water are usually essential to health, wellness, and life.  Clients who abandon the program often suffer from a binge-eating rebound period.  Always consider the risks and benefits before beginning a new wellness program.  Latin for Weight Loss is a limited liability company and is actually not responsible for anything that may happen to its clients while using the system, or afterward.  And there really is no DVD or robe, though it does look cozy, doesn't it??  

13 comments:

  1. Ha, sign me up!!! Do you get pieces of popcorn thrown in your mouth for each set of declensions you recite?? (That might actually work around here...)

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  2. Hahahahahahaaaa! Perhaps my problem is my Latin foods cookbook... I bought "Gourmet Latin Foods for Experts" and I should have stuck with "Latin Cooking for Dummies"... Arrrgh! :)

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    1. Latin for Dummies is sort of what it feels like around here... I think you're more on the ball, though :)

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  3. Eamus Cheesecake Factory! (That's all my five semesters of college Latin will get ya. Five, because I failed the third and had to take it again).

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    1. I barely passed college Latin, but that might have something to do with the fact that it was the only class I regularly skipped.... I only went enough to pass it 'cause I needed it for my French degree. It is as confusing to me now as it was back then. I know everyone complains about the English language, but really, when you want to say "cheesecake" you say it. It's not fair that there are 24 (or whatever) ways to learn to say and apply the word "cheesecake" in Latin... who has time that???? :)

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  4. LOL!!! My kids are learning Latin now and this revolutionary program may help them learn it faster, or I will have three less mouths to feed.

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    1. Somehow I think the kids pick it up faster...
      Good luck!

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  5. Ha, this is hilarious. I've never taken Latin so once we start the realm of homeschooling...God be with me! But, according to this post, I could lose a lot of weight, all things considered! lol Praying my Spanish will help me get the hang of it at least a little bit! :)

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    1. Good luck, Amanda! (I'm not saying that in a mean, sarcastic way!) I have a degree in French and everyone told me it would be easy to learn Latin, until I got in the class and then the professor said, it's actually easier to learn Latin and THEN another Romance language than the other way around. I hope you have better luck than I did!
      As an aside, I complain/joke about Latin a lot, but I really am so happy that my kids and I are studying it and I can absolutely see how very valuable it is on many levels. I do recommend it :) (but also recommend being able to laugh at it along the way!)

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  6. ha. oh theresa. doing the sing song latin over here but i have pretty much abandoned any latin at home for catherine. its a secondary subject and i think twice a week is enough for a third grader. i took spanish so i'm not much help. i look it as just getting her introduced to the language and trying not to sweat it. i'll save the freaking out for reading, writing and arithmetic. you are doing a great job and you care so much. i'm sure your boys are head and shoulders above my kiddos. you are like a for real teacher for goodness sake! you got this girl.

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    1. I think it might actually be in the kids' best interest to learn the language faster than the parents because then they'll be able to have this secret ancient language thing going on and I'll still be in the dark... :)

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  7. Very funny:)
    Just awarded you:)
    http://sevenlittleaustralians.blogspot.com.au/2014/09/ive-been-awarded-twice.html

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