Monday, August 18, 2014

Take a Deep Breath and Don't Do Preschool (Part 1)

a note before you read: I wrote this post primarily for families who are considering homeschooling and whose oldest children are preschool age.  And I wrote it as a way to clarify my own thoughts on the subject for my own family.  It is not a tirade against traditional preschool or a judgement piece on families who do have children in traditional preschool.  After all, I went to preschool and turned out awesome! so I'm definitely not anti-preschool =)  I'm a fan of choices when it comes to deciding how we'll educate our kids.  We live in a country where we are blessed with a variety of education options.  I wrote this for myself and for those who are considering the option of homeschooling for the first time.


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I admit it's a little strange to be writing a series on homeschool "preschool" in order to tell you not to even given two thoughts to "preschool."  But, hear me out.

I'm writing from experience.  And I'm writing to remind myself.  And I'm writing because an old high school acquaintance recently messaged me with an interest in homeschooling and questions about keeping preschool-aged kids home.  

Parents considering homeschooling for the first time, I remember being in your shoes - having a kid approaching school age and the pressure mounting to make a decision about something I didn't really know much about.  I remember feeling that I wasn't ready to send my son to a Pre-K 3/4 program, wondering what made it different than daycare, wondering if there was anything there that would merit him being away from me and home for several hours each day, and feeling strongly that I wanted him to stay home with me.  I didn't want him to go to preschool, but wasn't exactly sure where that left us at home.  I was pretty sure that I didn't need to buy a chalkboard, play teacher, or buy  a pre-packaged preschool curriculum with coloring books and work books and alphabet stickers.  So I didn't.

You may also be wondering, what will I need to do at home to "make up for" what she'll miss if I don't send her to preschool.  Breath easy.  It's so much easier than you think; it's the same thing you've been doing since they were born.   If having your three and four year-olds at home looks different than when you had them home at age two, you might be over-thinking the early years of homeschooling.  It pretty much "looks" like all the other stuff you've been doing because there's no need to do more.  I think trying to do something fancy and formal for homeschool preschool is a mistake.  I think if your preschool aged children stay home with you, you shouldn't be "doing preschool."   You should continue parenting.

I *try* not to write blog posts about other people, so I'm definitely aiming to keep this mostly about me and my kids.   But I confess, I always cringe a little when I read or hear that someone is homeschooling and "oh, by the way, our oldest is 3!"  What could they possibly be doing that they're calling school??????  (My oldest is only 8, so even I sometimes look at what we're doing and wonder how "schoolish" is this compared to what moms with high schoolers are doing??  I feel like a bit of a fraud ;) )  

I've had (and have) some preschoolers, but I wouldn't say we do preschool.  I think there were a few months where I might have slid down the slippery slope of homeschooling enthusiasm and jumped the gun and did some Letters of the Week with Aaron when he was four.  No one was scarred for life, but I think I'd take it back if I could.  For the most part, my young children stay home because they are my young children, not because I'm going to school them.  

I recall when we were first in the throes of deciding if we would send Aaron to preschool or not, it was often the first thing strangers would ask about:  "Oh, where is he going to school?"  We had looked at a couple programs and I had met with a handful of school principals, and we ultimately decided he would not go to traditional preschool, and then not Kindergarten, and then not first grade.  But when Aaron was four and people asked if he was in school, I couldn't yet bring myself to answer, "We homeschool."  Because... well, he was four.  And we weren't really doing any schooling.  Because he was four!  He was home with me because he was a very young child, I didn't work outside the home, and I honestly wasn't convinced there was a benefit to sending him elsewhere given those circumstances.  I believe he had a great fifth year of life because he was with me.

He learned stuff at home, for sure.  But I wasn't schooling him.  I was being his parent.  He was home because he was my child.  Not because the local preschools were scary or were renowned for their poor test scores or because I needed him to start. phonics. now.

Do three and four year old children need a lesson plan, an educational philosophy, or seat work to thrive?  From my limited experience, it appears they thrive on attention,  loving guidance and discipline, activity, wonder, investigation, imagination, free time to play, and opportunities to exercise their natural curiosity and creativity.  And as far as my limited experience has shown me, those things happen a-plenty in parenting, day to day life in the family, in and around the home with Mom and Dad and siblings. Just because your little ones are learning doesn't mean it's school.  It's life.  


Solid, wholesome, flourishing parent-child relationships are more important to preschoolers, than is preschool.  Many families excel at forming and growing those relationships even while their children are in a traditional preschool!   (See!  I'm not anti-school!)  When you and I choose to skip traditional preschool for our children it shouldn't be to do intense desk work with them one on one, but instead to take advantage of the blessing and opportunity we have to continue guiding and forming them close to home.  If we have the resources and ability to keep them home, I hope we don't call it "homeschooling."  When they're three and four - it's parenting, it's family life - and it should be happening in the home whether or not our children are enrolled in a preschool or are with Mom and/or Dad all day.  

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So, veteran parents, what's your best advice for parents who are considering homeschooling for the first time or even for parents who may not be considering homeschooling but are just not ready for their kiddos to be "in school" at age three or four?  
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I invite you to stop back later this week for Parts 2 and 3 in which I'll chat about my ideas for what to do instead of preschool and how to gently start homeschooling with young kiddos.  Hope you'll join me!

14 comments:

  1. My advice to the readers, is to look at your kids! They are the brightest, respectful, and socialized children I have ever met.

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    1. Aw, shucks! Thanks! They do have their shining moments :)

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  2. As someone who now has two in high school, one middle schooler, an elementary kiddo and a pre-schooler this year, I agree with your philosophy but I also understand that sometimes family pressure or even societal pressure can make a homeschooling mom feel like she needs to be more official in her "schooling". I did pre-school at home with my oldest one. We even used an official preschool curriculum that included coloring pages and songs to sing and poems to learn. It was fun and we skipped what seemed too much trouble or what I didn't feel like accomplishing with a baby and another on the way. I called it "pre-school" but really, it was just exploring all of the things he was fascinated with. We tried to insert some sit down work and yes, I did work on reading with him because he was so ready for it and begging to learn how to read. He was reading by the age of 4.

    While my husband's family was very supportive of homeschooling (having been homeschoolers themselves) my family was a little on the skeptical side. Not entirely negative, but skeptical. That affected a lot of my early decisions. So I do understand that given some unfavorable family responses to homeschooling, some moms might feel the need to say that they are "doing preschool" in a very official sounding way to prove that this idea of theirs, to school their children at home is legit. Then again, that was 13 years ago and while it may not seem like that long ago, homeschooling has boomed and become much more acceptable these days.

    Really it's just semantics. I wish all new moms who are thinking about homeschooling could just take a deep breath and relax about it. The early years are the golden years. Stick to the basics and have fun exploring and playing. You aren't going to miss anything so important that it can't be learned later.

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    1. Thanks for your perspective and story! I definitely appreciate the wisdom of those who have been doing this for a while!
      I agree with your remark about feeling societal pressure to make home education look a little more "official." I still feel that, and honestly I wonder how some unschoolers manage to stick it out (must have such strong convictions and personalities to go so against the grain!). It doesn't affect me as much with my little ones, but with my older ones I often feel like I have to "prove" that the education they're getting at home is good enough. I can imagine that skepticism from family might be even trickier to navigate.
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting Charlotte!

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  3. The more kids I have the more I'm realizing that I just don't have TIME for intensive preschool...though they would probably love some of that stuff. I agree that there is no need to do so much of it but if it makes everyone happy, go for it. David lately has been asking to "do school" and learn to read so I'll be going with that in a very relaxed way. That said, I look at some of the preschool curricula and they look so overwhelming. There is plenty of time to do school but those younger years don't last long and moms would be wise to enjoy that freedom of NOT having to plan days and lessons and curricula so diligently while they can still get away with it!

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    1. Ha! Mary, I thought about the time issue too! Even if I was interested I don't think I could fit it in at this point! Even when Ruth has expressed interest I tend to try to distract her so I'm not taking one one more thing :( I've been amazed though at how much they pick up from just being around while other lessons are going on - not a bad side effect of homeschooling - having the younger kids learn some stuff just because they were in the same room as the big kids!

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  4. Great post. We don't do kindergarten either. ;) Play, interact, talk, learn to read (if they are ready), play some more.

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    1. Thanks for your comment, Melody! Re-reading how stress-free I am about "preschool" makes me think I should probably also have a more relaxed mindset with my older kiddos too :)

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  5. Love this, Theresa! We feel called to homeschool our boys so we aren't looking into other options, which is killing my parents. My mom is a retired teacher and she is very concerned for how behind my boys are going to be (tough*). In her mind, they should already be in school or some sort of structured environment, and if they are not then I should be providing a structured routine at home that includes schooling (apparently four year olds are all supposed to be reading on their own - my oldest just turned three in June). Looking forward to the rest of this little series! And, Thank you for sharing! It's encouraging!

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    1. ugh! I've typed this reply twice and I keep losing it!!!!
      Ok - here it is again:
      I can imagine how hard it is to dialogue about homeschooling with teachers in the family!
      I wouldn't mind if some of my kids were reading by age 4, but so far none have showed interest or early ability, so I'm content to wait until they're 5 to start more "formal" reading lessons. It's always been counterproductive for me to compare what my kids are capable of vs. what they'd be doing in traditional school though it is sometimes tempting. It usually just serves to distract me from what's really important in our own educational plans.
      Thanks for your comment!

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  6. 100% agree! Do you know once upon a time, not very long ago, small children didn't attend pre-school, they just stayed at home with mum and played outside, baked with mum and maybe listened to a book or two.
    btw sent you an email, did you get it? I've taken a video of me teaching AAS, having trouble splicing it but am going to put it up raw on my semi-private blog for you if you'd like?

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  7. I've had a lot of homeschool mothers tell me this same thing. Basically, coming from the idea that there's no point in taking more work on yourself than you have to when the kids are so young. I'm sure they're right, but I feel like there's a war within myself over it....some days, I think my just-turning-four-year-old is totally fine, completely on track with kids his age, and I have no intention to start doing anything "official" anytime soon. In PA, at least, you don't legally have to start until they are 8. Other days, I just get so darn EXCITED about homeschooling that I can't wait to start with him. I want to get all the books and curriculum that the other moms rave about. And my son really wants to learn to read, and I'm eager to teach him. So I'm just unsure whether I should start sitting down to do that with him, or letting him continue on doing whatever 4-year-olds do....

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    1. WOW!! 8??? That's pretty amazing. Here in NY, it's 6 ("first grade") It really is amazing though how many people think it's "weird" if they're not in school before that though.
      Tomorrow I have a list I'll post of stuff I like for when kids are ready for more school-y activities. But, I'd say, if a child was asking to learn to read, I'd go for it! But only for as long as they stay interested and have a positive attitude about it. I don't think it's *wrong* to start more formal lessons if they're ready, I just have to remind myself that it's not my goal to have an early reader, or math whiz or whatever. I can get carried away too sometimes, wanting them to be "advanced" :) It's just not what I want their childhood to be defined by, if that makes sense...?
      Anyway, a few minutes of reading lessons a day isn't going to sap all their play time!

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